Cravings

People often ask me if I have pregnancy cravings.  While I do enjoy some foods more than others these days (peaches and oranges are popular), it's not foods that I crave so much as activities I miss.  The more pregnant I've gotten, the more prominent the cravings for the following have become:

Laying on my back-- I can't do it right now for more than 5 seconds before I get very uncomfortable.  I'm like a turtle who's trapped on it's back and can't flip over.  I hate it.

Relaxing baths-- I take baths now but it's not the same.  I can't lie completely back (refer to above), the water can't be too hot (um, I like it hot hot), I barely fit in the tub (no joke) and they're more therapeutic than calming (ouchie hip therapy).  Then there's the issue of carefully getting down into a sitting position and upon completion of the bath hoisting myself up and out.  To say it's a struggle is an understatement.

Beer-- I haven't been this sober since I was a teenager (what can I say, I was an early bloomer and grew up in the suburbs where drinking was an obvious and easy past time).  The first 4 months of pregnancy I had no taste for alcohol which was great.  Lately, however, I could really go for a tall, chilled brewsky.  I've taken a sip from Mr. Jarcy's and--holy moly--it's like nectar for the gods.  I've also had this vision of me breastfeeding while relaxing with a glass of red wine and I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.    

Flying--this one is especially weird because I am not a good flyer.  I used to fly often so perhaps it's just weird to not be traveling at all.  And as stressful as flying seems in the future, I'm already working on Mr. Jarcy to think a summer trip is a fabulous idea.    

Cartwheels--Yep, I'd really like to do a cartwheel again.  Other activities that fall under this category are handstands, backbends and leaps.  Basically anything I did as a gymnast a billion years ago I miss.  (And if you really want to see something hysterical, ask me to demonstrate jogging...Mr. Jarcy and my sister will vouch for how silly I look.) 

Drinking something other than Gatorade--enough said.   

  

Night Owl

I have new hobbies for the middle of the night.  I used to sleep but those days seem to be gone for a little while.  Here's what I do instead--

• Wake up with my hip cramped up.
  
• Get cramped hip massaged by Mr. Jarcy (he's so good to me).
  
• Lie awake and worry that the baby will come and I won't have his room ready (or any other room in the house, for that matter).
  
• Drink Gatorade.
  
• Eat.  A lot.
  
• Fidget with the thermostat--I'm usually hotter than blazes between the hours of midnight and 8AM.
  
• Troll around the Internet.
  
• Eat more.  A lot.
  
• More Gatorade.
  
• Avoid writing in my journal.
  

Now that I've covered the above, I think I'll play my little Tetris game and take down the Christmas tree.  Then around 6AM I'll go back to bed.  Tomorrow I will repeat.  

Workout

I always thought babies in utero were asleep until they were born.  I knew that they kicked and moved around but I still didn't think they were awake-- I thought they were hibernating or something.    

Well I was wrong.

It's obvious that at times my little Fetus Boy is awake and ready for action.  I went to an improv show a few months back, sat behind the piano player and Baby Jarcy wiggled around the whole time.  Then a few weeks back a transformer blew up in the alley across the street in the middle of the night and Baby Jarcy woke up startled by it even before I did.  He can sleep through lots of noise and then wake up in total silence.  He especially likes to wake up in the middle of the night when I am asleep.  I will be soundly asleep (not an easy feat these days) and all of a sudden start dreaming about movement.  Then a few minutes later I'll wake up realizing that He is moving all around and prompted the dream events.  Oh yeah, and he LOVES to move around when I'm sitting in the car.  How does he know it's the car?  I have no idea but my fetus is very smart and he seems to know.  My coat cannot be buttoned up--he doesn't like it--and he kicks all over the place until I open up my outer layer.  Then he kicks some more.  

He just kicked me right now.  Heehee.  And his little hands are way down in my pelvis and they like to move all around.  A totally surreal feeling at times, lemme tell ya.  It's bittersweet--I'm ready to reclaim my body but I'm also going to miss my Belly Boy terribly when he's out on his own.     

Well, It Never Gets Boring

Hello!  Happy Friday all...ooh, it's 11:11 so make a wish!

Every week or so some new pregnancy ailment/challenge/quirk presents itself.  Past ailments have included the inability to drink plain water (that was during the first 4 months), super painful hip sockets and, of course, the ever present and popular too low blood pressure.  

This week's issue has been nose congestion and bleeding.  I had read in the expectant mother's guide book that this might happen, however, it didn't seem to affect me.  No two pregnant woman are the same.  In fact, not every pregnancy is the same.  Each pregnancy is like a snowflake--different, unique.  So I thought I had avoided this congestion/stuffiness thing just like I have dodged heartburn (thank you Goddess above!).  Nope, no nose problems for me-- that is, until now.  Out of nowhere I've been afflicted with stuffiness that I can't blow out.  When I do blow it out--which seems to be mostly in the middle of the night when one should be sleeping--it is bloody.  

Gross, I know but I can't help but share.  It's all very fascinating to me (and by fascinating I mean fascinating yet extremely annoying and trying).  So I will continue to use my neti pot (that's also kinda gross and I'll spare the details), run my humidifier...and wake up every 90 minutes to blow my nose.  And I guess I'll be thankful I didn't have to deal with this until well into the 8th month.  My only hope is that it does leave my body at some point with Baby Jarcy.  

And now it is time to put a hot water bottle on those ouchie hips...(hilarious).  

Get Higher Baby

Merry Christmas!  

If you don't celebrate Christmas then I say to you Happy Wednesday!  (It's Wednesday right?  I get easily confused these days.)  Mr. Jarcy and I are headed to the burbs to celebrate with our families over the next few days.  I have a feeling that the running theme with gifts from both families will revolve around Fetus (soon to be Baby) Jarcy.  

While the next two days will be out of the ordinary--you know with the whole bingeing and gift giving deal--there is one daily task that I will not be delineating from...

drinking copious amounts of Gatorade.  

Have I mentioned this before?  Oh, I'm sure I have and some day I'll add links to past posts (refer back to above reference to confusion).  Anyway, I have to drink a lot of Gatorade so that I can keep my blood pressure up.  It helps retain all the salt our bodies usually excrete when we drink just water.  Most people benefit from this as they don't need their blood pressure highered.  In fact, I'm not even sure "highered" is a word.  But lowered is a word and I know this because blogger doesn't correct me for that word like it does for "highered."  (Mr. Jarcy says the correct wording would be "raised" but to keep up with my bit.)  And since I need the pressure highered--or at least retained above 80/50-- I eat stuff that has salt, drink very little to absolutely no water and consume no less than 8 Gatorades a day.  In fact, I drink anywhere between 1 and 3 Gatorades during the night when most people just sleep and occasionally pee.  Weird huh?  Yep, I think so too.   

But it works and for that I am ever so grateful!  To not feel the need to pass out is incredible and I'll never take it for granted again.  (I know that's weird too.)  So what if I have to carry an 8-pack of Gatorade with me when I leave the home!  If it works, I gotta just do it.  

And with that, my 8-pack and I are on our way out the door.  Happy Holidays all you lovelies!  

Stirred

It has been snowing outside for hours now.  There is already snow and ice covering the streets and sidewalks.  Chicago made the brilliant decision to not plow side streets so my car is buried.  I'm too pregnant to leave the house without a chaperon in these conditions.  Feel sorry for me, please.  

So I'm kinda stir crazy.  As a result:

• I just put my hair in pig tails. 
  
• I put on a ton of make-up.  Play time I guess. 
  
• I've sorted the laundry a few times (you have to walk outside to get to the machines and that's where I'm stuck).
  
• All the bills are paid--even ones that haven't shown up in the mail that I looked up online.
  
• I can't go buy my remaining Christmas gifts.  I feel guilty.
  
• I wish I had cash to hail a cab to these stores so I could stop feeling guilty.
  
• I would still have to navigate the snow covered outdoors and I'm feeling nervous about that.
  
• I feel guilty about the gifts not purchased but not enough to jeopardize the trip outside.
  
• I'm ready for Mr. Jarcy to come home.
  
• I hope Mr. Jarcy isn't too frightened by my appearance when he arrives.
  
• I'm thinking of naming my baby Freddy after Freddy Mercury. 
  
• I'm blasting Guns N' Roses song "My Michelle" which is not very warm or fuzzy.

I think that about covers it for now.  

All Systems Go

So I'm still pregnant.  And that in theory is a good thing--we're well into month 8 but still need a little growing to do.  In reality, it is an unpleasant thing.  Where that growing will take place I am not sure because I am huge.  I'm wearing shirts and sweaters that belong to Mr. Jarcy and Mr. Jarcy's brother because my cutie preggie clothes don't fit.  The Jarcy men are all over 6 feet tall and average 190 lbs.  

I'm really not far from 190 lbs myself.  Well, it's not right around the corner but I am much closer to it than I ever thought I would be.  I'm only 5'2" so I thought how much can I possibly gain?  A lot apparently.  Huh...interesting.

Since I am into month 8, my body seems to be in delivery prep.  I feel like an airplane with pilots checking all systems for take off.  Lights work?  Check.  Tire pressure appropriate?  Check.  Gas in the tank?  Check.  

Flight crew, we are ready for departure. 

I Am Part Sci-Fi Nerd

Sleeping is not the easiest for me these days.  I slept through the night two nights ago--with no hip pain thanks to my newly acquired and terribly expensive memory foam mattress topper--but last night was another story.  For reasons unknown to me, I can only sleep on my left side now.  Pregnant women are instructed to sleep on their side anyway, but most seem to have the option of one or the other.  I too had this option until recently.  Unfortunately, now if I lay on my right side my heart starts to race and I begin my whole fainting spell dance.  

HAHAHAHAHA!  Seriously, you have to laugh at this stuff!  The body is so weird.  

So I got up today at 5am and read about labor, delivery and life once Baby Jarcy is squirming in my arms and no longer in my belly.  I might as well get used to being up early in the morning anyway so I didn't get upset.  

And then something wonderful happened...

I turned on the TV and realized "Angel" is on at 6am on TNT.  I was hoping for a "Law & Order" but this was way better, I hit the mother load!  I am such a nerd for Buffy and Angel shows.  And then something even better--I noticed that the kid who had played Angel's son Conner is now a character on "Mad Men."  WOW!  

I cannot tell you how thrilling this seemed to be at 6:12am.  I even woke up Mr. Jarcy to tell him the news.  And God love him, he was very happy for me.  

I wonder if watching old "Angel" reruns could keep me occupied well enough to reach 10 cm dilated when I'm in labor....

Addict

I'm on a quest to find my old Tetris game.  

WHERE HAS IT GONE?!  

I used to have a cheap Tetris that I bought at Target and was addicted like tween girls are to "Twilight."  I would play for hours.  I was unable to hold conversations with Mr. Jarcy.  I was dreaming about aligning different shapes together at night.  Mr. Jarcy even had a little intervention with me over this disruptive hobby.  

So I got rid of the game.  I knew that if I had it in my life I would want to play it and play it and play it.  And in return, necessary things like showering, eating and walking dogs would be ignored.  I went cold turkey and never looked back.

Until now.  

I need that game back!  I have decided it will help me get through parts of labor and I want it in my toolkit along with one supportive Mr. Jarcy, my ipod and an exercise ball.  But I went back to Target and it is no longer there!  Oh goodness me, I gotta find it...

Waiting...

Still no call from the woman to apologize (refer to last two posts).  And I just keep thinking I'll get some form of communication from her--call, email, telegram.  Nope.  It's like that book "He's Just Not That Into You" only I no longer date so this is my experience.  I've been stood up by this irresponsible woman and I just keep hoping she'll redeem herself and behave the way I want her to.  Nope.  I've been dumped before I even got to know her.  

You can see I have way too much time on my hands.   

My Boobs Took A Class

Hello!

I went to a class on breastfeeding tonight at the hospital.  3 videos, some discussion time and 2  and a 1/2 hours later, I feel I at least know the difference between a "good latch" and "breast compressions."  Yeesh.  How well I actually achieve these tasks is yet to be seen.  But I hired the doula to help me with all of this stuff and so if I fail it is strictly on her shoulders.  :-)

Remember last weekend when our childbirth class was cancelled?  Well guess what?!  It was NOT cancelled!  I met this other couple at class this evening and they had attended!  They are now prepared for childbirth.  And I am not.  They said they were told to go to several different locations before finding the correct room but it did indeed take place.  I called the contact woman to let her know this runaround is not what a super pregnant woman needs but I'm pretty sure she'll continue her unprofessionalism and not return the call.  Growl.  

Preparing To Go "Live"

"It's snowing, my hair is poofy AND we got up for nothin?  

Well, let's put this blanket and pillows back in the car.  Grrr." 

Mr. Jarcy and I were signed up for a day long prepared childbirth class at the hospital.  I'm not sure if I have discussed my feelings on the whole experience yet but if I haven't let me tell you-- I'M TERRIFIED!  I didn't necessarily want to attend a day long class on a Saturday but I did want to feel prepared.  We showed up at 8:30am only to be informed that the instructor had just called and cancelled the day.  How do you cancel a childbirth class???  Can't there be someone on deck to fill in?  It's not like we were simply discussing our picks for the Superbowl, this was kind of an essential class.  So needless to say, we are anything but prepared.  Sure, I have a book on birthing and everyone tells me my yoga training will come in handy but I'm still not set the way I'd like.  We're into week 31 of pregnancy (you're supposed to take them between weeks 28 and 35), other classes are full and it's the holidays...time is not on our side here.  

Anyone an expert on birthing a baby?  Right now I'm thinking I'll just try to read "Twilight" through each contraction... 

Poundage

I weighed 5 lbs 4 oz when I was born.

I weighed 86 lbs when I entered 7th grade.  

I weighed 106 lbs at the end of 7th grade by experiencing a 2-inch growth spurt and quitting my intensive gymnastics training. 

I have gained more than 40 lbs from pregnancy.  I still have a few months to go so its safe to say that number will be climbing at least another 10 lbs.  I will have added over a third of my body's normal weight in the last 9 months.  

Woah.  Um, that's a lot of weight!  Yeah, I want to be skinny and all that but my immediate concerns have been more about keeping my balance and navigating winter with all this extra padding.  Thank god I've been given somewhat of a break in the vanity department lately.  Plus, everyone seems to give you the pregnancy excuse and only encourage me to consume as much as possible.  

A childhood friend passed away last weekend.  We had just reconnected a month ago after many years out of touch and I was thrilled.  He was so sweet in his emails and I felt like a swooning teenager.  He wrote of his future plans.  A girlfriend of mine and I have often wondered what had become of him and now I was getting to find out AND being generously complimented.  Well, I felt special.  Did he know how good that made me feel while in this hugely pregnant and life-changing state?  Probably not.  Did I make him feel special too?  I hope so, even if for just a moment.  I wish life was different and it's too late.  I hate that.  There's so much I didn't seem to know and if I had maybe I could have helped?      

Where ever you are, friend, I pray you have found the peace you didn't seem to have here.  You deserve that.  And thank you for giving me something I truly needed before you left.   

You Kicked My Bladder, Kid. And Now My Lung...

After a night of sleep, I am worn out.  Let me explain...

REASON 1:

My hips are spreading.  And it hurts.  Bad.  I know, pleasant huh?  Oy.  I am lucky in that it doesn't hurt all day and I'm able to function (you know, when not experiencing fainting spells).  But the night time is another story.  Preggos are only supposed to sleep on their sides--preferably their left sides--and my hips are in excruciating pain as a result.  I gotta get back to my massage therapist pronto.  And perhaps I need to increase his hours.  Yep.  So anyway, when I am most tired and in need of rest this hip pain kicks in and makes it quite difficult.  I get up in the middle of the night and walk around.  And squat.  Lots of the squatting position all over my house.  I look like a toddler trying not to pee his pants or something.  Good thing it's dark and nobody's watching.  

REASON 2:

I am encased in this pillow empire on my bed.  I bought a maternity pillow which is like two full body pillows attached at one end with another pillow.  Horseshoe shape and curvy in some places to accommodate my massive belly.  I also have 3 other pillows--one to help prop me up a bit, one between my legs (supposed to help the hip pain but doesn't) and one that alternates either supporting me in front or in back.  As ridiculous as this sounds it does all help me...until I get to sunken into the cocoon and I get trapped.  Poor Mr. Jarcy is barely on the bed already and then he has to pull me out before I go nuts. 

REASON 3:

After 28 weeks of pregnancy, women are supposed to make a special time each day to lay down and count the number of times their fetus kicks.  It's important to feel movement at least 10 times within an hour.  I, however, do not need to make the special sit down time because this kid rarely stops moving!  I'm not kidding, he goes through spurts where he is either pushing, jabbing, kicking or rearranging his entire body nonstop.  Sometimes this hurts.  Bad.  You get to the point though where you're so grateful he's so active.  While I am already sleep deprived I luckily find it funny.  Mostly.     

I apologize if I've already posted this stuff before...this is my life these days and it is all very overwhelming at times.  

Can I Go Out?

My last post was about how grown-up I feel because I have a massage therapist on staff.  

Well this week I feel like I'm back in my early teens: 

a) I'm reading "Twilight" like all young, vamp-obsessed girls are, and 

b) I am not allowed to drive.    

Apparently one should not be on the road when one is 7 months pregnant and experiences random fainting spells (mostly almost fainting these days).  I'm facing the holiday shopping season from my computer.  I'm investigating Peapod services.  And I'm getting carted around by my husband, my parents and my husband's parents.  It's odd.  Fortunately for them I don't have many places to be.  Unfortunately for me, I don't have many places to be.  

  

Grown Up Hobbies

There comes a time in every woman's life when she knows she has become an adult.  For some its landing that first big girl professional job.  For others it's having children or buying furniture of their choosing as opposed to relative hand-me-downs or thrift store bargains.  Well, in spite of being 7 months pregnant those are not the experiences that confirm for me I am a full grown woman.

No, my indicator is this-- I have a massage therapist.  

I'm not just telling folks that I get massages here and there, I'm telling them I have a massage therapist.  "When I went to massage therapist today, he told me the most amazing thing about my root chakra..."--you know, that kind of stuff.  There is an established relationship built up here.  That's right, I've essentially got someone on my very own payroll, if you will.  I've been seeing him once a month since I got pregnant.  I really see it as an extension of my prenatal care.  I'm going to spend all kinds of money on Dr. visits and prenatal vitamins (insurance doesn't deem them essential enough to chip in, I love it) and clothes to cover my burgeoning belly so why wouldn't I have this service as well?  I see it not as a self-care indulgence, I see it as a necessity.  Listen, my hips are spreading off in opposing directions, can you really argue with me?  That is not comfortable, nor are the leg cramps or stretched tendons or skin expanding straight out from my body.  

And so I have now added Victor to my team of necessities.  Well, maybe my stylist is the only other one on the team but it's an important group and I don't foresee him leaving after I've gotten this baby out.  How will my hips ever return from their distant lands without him?  Did I mention he'll do wonders for your aches and pains as well?  Oh, you just gotta go see him, I'll get you his card...

    

Bun Warmer

I am completely perplexed by this... I cannot locate a winter maternity coat.  

I have a bare minimum fall coat that I found at a maternity store.  It gets the job done, more or less (it just has these flimsy hooks that pop open and no zipper but was cheap and you can't be that).  And I've found many more coats similar to the one I have so kudos to the stores on covering fall and spring.  

There does seem to be a glaring gap in anything warmer though.  Do pregnant women all relocate to Florida and I was not informed!???!  

Perhaps, because I've looked on several websites and see nothing appropriate to wear in snow/sleet/frigid temperatures.  I know I'm a bit of a furnace these days (poor Mr. Jarcy is freezing in our home as a result) but I still think I need warmth during a Chicago winter!  I even  went to a department store and tried on regular women's coats, however, I now resemble one of those big exercise balls and the darn things don't fit around my middle.   

I have to walk some doggies tomorrow in 30 degree weather and must figure out how to bundle up with what I got.  Aw, poor pregnant woman...(cue pity from online readers).   

I'm In Mourning

I miss olives.  

I'm sure this sounds silly but you have no idea how many I used to consume.  I would continue to eat as many as possible if it weren't for Baby Jarcy.  He does not seem to like olives.  WHAT????  Oh, my oh my, he just does not like them.  And, therefore, I have not had any in quite a long time.  

And here I thought giving up "the sauce" (wine) would be most difficult...sucker.

Seeing Stars

I have been a very delinquent blogger, I know.  It's not my fault though and here are my excuses:

1.  I had to somewhat abruptly move after our apartment had all that water damage.  I did that while being pregnant so it was a little rough.

2.  I had to purchase and begin to assemble baby stuff.  I did that while being pregnant--which is normally when you would do such a thing.  It's been a little rough.

3.  I've been experiencing fainting spells.  It's in some way caused by being pregnant...and that has been rough.

So yeah, my new hobby--fainting.  I must tell you that I don't recommend it.  At first it seemed like I might be dehydrated so I drank more water.  I still got fainty.  I tried to have more to eat.  But then I fainted in my car (thankfully I was parked).  Maybe I needed more protein?  Well now I've gained 9 pounds in one month and guess what...still fainty.  Today I had many tests conducted to see what might be the culprit.  And, lucky me- the girl drawing my blood couldn't get blood out so after minutes of digging around in there (ew!) I almost...wait for it...FAINTED!

I am one tired pregnant woman.        

Mr. Lottery

See this guy below?  Well he is "Lottery Rob."  Lottery Rob has had a busy summer promoting a get rich campaign and now his reign will end on Saturday.  But Lottery Rob is a lucky, lucky man and gets to "retire" by throwing out the first pitch for the Chicago White Sox on Saturday!  What a lottery he has hit as well!  His celebrity will end immediately after.  

Sexist Utilities

Lady friends out there...

Do yourself a favor and do your best to have utilities under a man's name if you live with a man.  That is, if you ever think you might change your last name.  

If you do not do this, everyone from your phone service to People's Gas will ask that you fax over your marriage certificate and driver's license when you want to change your last name.  Do not think there is a way around this procedure if you're moving, that would make too much sense.  Your social security number (yes, they already have that) will be attached to the old name and they won't take your word for it that a different name has replaced it.  

I know this may not seem like a big deal but when faxing costs $2 a page at Kinko's this pisses me off.  Besides that, you never had to present a birth certificate to get that cell phone so why must you show proof now?  It seems so invasive!  I should have set these all up in the name "Mickey" and been done with it long ago.  How would they know if this is correct?  They never checked...until now.

GRRRRR.....    

Bumpalicious

Hello!  Happy Monday.  I'm so glad it has been beautiful and rain-free for the last week.  Here's some of our water-induced "decor"...

And then here's a picture of Mrs. Jarcy pregnant.  I swear this bump is bigger in person but thank goodness it doesn't appear too huge.  It does to me but that's just because I have a difficult time with things like strapping my sandles and bending over.  You know, things we all take for granted.  I'm telling you, being pregnant makes me feel like I'm back in my own toddler years!  

Time to pack more.  These free-loading cats have done nothing to contribute unless you count sleeping, begging for food and looking cute.  

Toodles Weirdo.

Yep, we are moving.  Unexpectedly moving.  After a week of water damage cleaning, apartment hunting and money spending, we are leaving this joint for dryer land a mile away.  Our landlord has yet to even stop by and see the damages for himself which seems negligent of one's investment but what are ya gonna do?  He even suggested to us that a move would be best for a woman five months pregnant and, boy, is he correct...every pregnant woman dreams of not only battling changes with her body and entire lifestyle but also uprooting all her and her husband's belongings from a 3rd floor apartment in a week and a half.  What a treat I have been given!  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to just leave these damaged goods behind but I'm also heartbroken to leave this part of the hood, my lovely apartment and equally lovely neighbors.  Additional change was not something I was particularly rooting for.    

I did, however, begin to experience some pretty dramatic changes that have been positive...baby kicks.  Baby kicks!  BABY KICKS!  Woah, those are like getting unexpectedly goosed.  And Baby Jarcy feels like doing this whenever he or she chooses--right after a meal, while I'm meeting with a leasing agent, as I nod off to sleep, etc. 

I was also told by my doctor that gaining 8 lbs. in one month is a little overboard and will only result in a huge baby that I will need to eject at a later date.  Er, ugh, that wasn't great news.  Let's go back to baby kicks...

BABY KICKS!  BABY KICKS!  BABY K...(chant along with me, please)!   

Doomsday Weekend, I'm Spent.

Hello, the weekend has not been kind.  Let me explain...

Our kitchen sinks won't drain and, therefore, have been inoperable for the last 4 days.  Oh yeah, and they're leaking.  Two plumbers came Friday afternoon, tinkered for over 3 hours and stated, "We're stumped, can't fix it, " before leaving forever.  They said they would call me when another plumber was secured but that hasn't happened.  So I waited all weekend and still we're washing dishes in our bathroom.  The landlord doesn't seem as concerned but he drives a Cadillac and lives in the burbs so he must have more than one kitchen.  

Our landlord is going to give me a full head of gray hair (which may already be the case but I color it and wouldn't know).  Let me explain...

The plumbing issue made the list of reasons, of course, but now we have bigger problems.  You see, he never fixed our roof or gotten the front of the building tuck pointed even though he's known that during rain it leaks into the building and destroying our walls and windows.  Oh yeah, and there must be mold.  Since it's been raining for 3 days straight, we have a steady stream of water on the inside of our windows.  Essentially it's flooding in our 3rd floor apartment.  And as far as we can tell, the plaster and nice wooden window frames are ruined.  My spirit is also a casualty.  Sadly, Mr. Landlord doesn't think it's a big deal.  We're 5 months pregnant and facing a possible move.  

As if buried in water EVERYWHERE in this joint weren't enough, we've had other boo boos.  Let me explain...

My very nice and gently used Krups coffee maker has refused to work.  It won't brew and, let me tell you, I could really have used a good cup of 1/2 caf, 1/2 decaf coffee yesterday.  Why didn't I leave the premise to get a cup?  Refer to the points above and you'll know I've spent the weekend cleaning up water from various entries.  

Anyone have a perfectly nice Chicago apartment with coffee maker for the Jarcy's?  We'd be very appreciative.   

Zoo Baby

I went to the zoo today.  I have a love/hate relationship with zoos, however, the inner conflict never seems to deter me from going to one.  Highlights from the trip--

1. I ate a cheeseburger and soft-serve vanilla ice cream.  One of the most delicious meals I've had ever had.  (Like how the most important factor of the trip was what I ate?  My carnivorous baby-in-the-making has made me this way).
   
2. It was practically desolate so the animals got to lounge about without obnoxious crowds.
   
3. I made/purchased 3 Moldaramas--an elephant, rhinoceros and polar bear.  (Mr. Jarcy's voice is used as a polar bear at this particular zoo somewhere, I didn't hear him.  Maybe it's just on the web now.)
   

I have no pictures to show for this event.  I've taken photos of the animals in the past only to look at them at home and wonder what I'm going to do with action shots of tapirs anyway.  

I'm now off to eat dinner.  With any luck it will involve macaroni and cheese.  Take that meat baby! 

Our Latest Addition

We seem to have acquired a new family member over the course of the last two weeks.  His name is "Ernesto."  (That's what he told me anyway).  As you'll notice he is a squirrel so he's not allowed in the home...yet.  He is quite taken with us--the cats even more so--and I fear it's a matter of time before I go completely loony and let the little dude in.  

No, You Don't Hear The Zoo Lions Roaring, That's My Stomach

I'm in full on nesting mode or at least my friend Xenew thinks so.  (Xenew is the word that pops up when I try to spell her name via text message so it has now stuck.  It's like her space alien name.)  

Sunday I made baba ganoush with eggplants I bought at the Green City farmer's market.  Right now I'm making bread with zucchinis I purchased from there today.  I also purchased tons of blueberries and am pondering the idea of muffins over the weekend.  Tonight I'm going to a Cubs game rain or shine mostly because I simply must have the gooey, terribly bad for you nachos with peppers.  I'm so excited about it, you'd think I'm being awarded a million dollar check instead.  

My life really does revolve around food these days.  The days are determined by what I will eat and when, how my body will take to it, when I can cram in those high-potency prenatal vitamins post meal and what I will be eating the next day.  And while I've never really been one to deprive myself of food or limit my intake, now I most definitely cannot.  This Baby Jarcy demands food every few hours.  Folks from a mile away can hear my stomach if Baby J is not fed.  I'm afraid he/she will go after my spleen or something if not fed on time!  

It's September? Woah.

Hello!  I've been terrible at blogging and here are my reasons--

1. I've been pregnant and dealing with morning sickness.  I won't go into detail, you don't want it.  But still preggo and not so sick now.  WOO HOO!  Seriously, it's like being released from jail after a wrongful conviction...not that I ever want to confirm this theory.
   
2. I've been facebooking.
   
3. I eat as often as the types of wild animals who graze all day long and then sleep for long stretches.  Maybe a gorilla?  As to why I'm behaving this way, refer back to excuse number 1.
   

Toodles! 

Dear Baby Jarcy...

Hi baby, 

Listen, I saw you on the ultrasound yesterday and while I have to admit I thought you would look like an alien, you were the single most cutest thing I have ever seen.  You looked like a tiny baby, no alien features whatsoever. CUTE!  In utero and already giving any celebrity baby a run for his/her money, good job!  Shiloh, Violet and Suri ain't got nothin on you...nothin.    

I'm off to Best Buy now in search of a scanner so I can upload your ultrasound images to the computer and show every man, woman and child how cute you are.  Only 12 weeks old and I'm already making impulsive/expensive purchases in your honor.  Let's just hope I can figure the scanner out without needing to wait for you to turn old enough to teach me.  

I knew I joined that Rewards program and bought a Mac for a reason...    

Oh, By The Way...

I haven't been posting much lately and there is a definite reason.  The reason is I have some life-altering news that's been making most activities most difficult...

Mr. Jarcy and I are expecting!  

"Expecting what?" you may ask.  Well, we are expecting many things but mostly we are expecting a baby.  That is the plan.  I tend to err on the cautious side when it comes to big changes but I felt like it was time to spill these beans.  On my blog anyway.  So hopefully all continues to go well and then I'll have a Baby Jarcy to post about.  The cats will be pissed I'm sure.  

I now must run some errands before my daily brush with morning sickness kicks in.  TTFN!  

  

Monday

Hello!

I'm wondering if reading the blogs of strangers is a good idea.  The only reason I question this is I read some girl's blog today and found something on there indirectly about my life that stung.  But I guess that's part of it, right?  Air your thoughts and opinions for the world to see and some will agree while some will be offended.  Maybe there's someone out there insanely offended that I like to post pictures of Mexico and my drug-dependant cat.  I apologize if this is the case.    

Strangers are more than welcome to read my blog, of course.  And I would only have a couple of blogs to read if I only stuck to those written by my friends.  Two blogs are not enough to sufficiently fill the internet zoning out time I've allotted every 2 hours throughout my day.  Hmmm...

Hey, by the way--

Happy Anniversary, Mr. Jarcy!  I love you bunches!  3 years ago today we were getting married in a hurricane and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Maybe you could create a blog that I could read as a present.        

A Weekend of Sex

Hello!  Yes, that's right, it was a weekend full of sex...or I should say watching sex.

Mr. Jarcy and I went to go see "Sex And The City" on Friday.  He said he scored major points for attending and I tend to agree with him.  I loved watching the HBO series, however, the movie was just okay for me.  I'd watch it again even but I think at home.  Since when did those ladies start shrieking every occasion they get together?  They didn't do that on the series, that is an annoying and new habit possibly picked up from the years long hiatus.  

Now on to sex watching number two only this time it was real and unintentional.

Mr. Jarcy and I live on the top floor of a three flat.  It is the only three flat on the street and on either side of us are two flats.  Two two-flats down a teenage boy and his girlfriend decided to engage in some rather interesting sex acts on top of their roof!  It is plainly, painfully obvious that we are at eye level with them and yet they still decided this was a good idea.  They didn't even seem to have the decency to look for movement in our apartment before starting up.  I was diddy bopping around the house in a bathrobe so clearly I wasn't expecting anyone to view me either.  So for a good 20 minutes we were stuck in our living room because we didn't want to walk by mid-act.  His family just threw him a graduation party a few weeks ago...guess his girlfriend finally came over to give him his present.  

Both experiences this weekend left Mr. Jarcy and I feeling somewhat old and boring but I think I'm okay with that.   

The ONLY Reason Our Credit Cards Expire

Hello!

I called in to my credit card company today to activate a new card.  The current one expires in a week.  The activation turned into the worst sales pitch ever.  First I got hit up to buy different features, none of which I can even recall now because they seemed so vague.  

"No, no," I said, "I'm just calling to activate the card."  

"Great," the guy said, "Hey, as a courtesy did you know your card has fraud protection?"  

"Well, I would hope it has fraud protection," I replied.  Don't all cards have this protection to some degree?  My mother just had a fraudulent experience and her credit card remedied the situation immediately!

"Perfect," Mr. Stupid Sales Guy disguised in Activation Helper's Clothing said.  "I'll set that up on your card right away."

"Woah, wait...It doesn't already have this protection included?  If you're just adding it now, does that mean you're charging me extra?"  My heart started to beat double time.

"It will be an additional $11 a month for the coverage so, no biggie, so if you just give me a moment here I will have it all taken care of and..."

"Hey!  No!  Don't just add that to my card then! " By this point I was livid.   

"Oh, well, alright then," he said confused.  I had a feeling it didn't take much to confuse this dude.  "Your card is all activated then, Mrs. Jarcy.  Is there anything else I can help you with today?  No?  Well enjoy your day then, bye bye."

Jerk.     

It's The Little Things In Life

I just spent an hour pitting cherries.  I've never done that before and I'm assuming most don't bother to do this.  I do, however, highly recommend it!  I will now spend the rest of the evening noshing on these little yummies.  

I just realized I have a deep love of pitted foods.  I can finish off a large vat of olives in just a couple of weeks.  And then there's peaches, nectarines...what else?  Well maybe that's it.  But I really do love them.  

Cheese isn't so bad either.    

Ladies...ENOUGH!

You know the housewives of New York City?  There are millions of them, I'm sure, but I'm thinking of the ones who recently had their own show on Bravo.  One of them was quite the energetic loud-mouth.  Her name was Ramona.  No offense to Ramona, but she really was bouncing off the walls most during the show.

Well I think all her female relatives have moved in across the street.  Correction, I think her female relatives and their kids have moved in across the street.

These women are SCREAMING outside as they micro-manage their litter-sized broads.  I want kids some day, but Goddess help me if I decide to be as oblivious to the lives of others in the process.  I can handle the children frolicking about--they giggle, scream, cry, scream some more and tear down the block in their wagons.  That's fine, they're expending energy.  But the women yelling out everything from what they'll be cooking for dinner to how much longer the litters have outside before bath time is unbearable.  I now know way too much about these people simply by sitting in my living room while attempting to read a book.  I never thought I'd say this but I won't mind if it rains a little more...  

P.S.  I lied up above, the kids are now driving me nutso as well now.    

This Really Is What I Think About

I have become obsessed with the word "often" lately.  

I pronounced it without the "t" sound (offen) one day and then later on Mr. Jarcy said it with the "t."  Then the next day he said it without.  Which is correct?  Seems weird that we're not supposed to use the "t" since it is present.  

I've taken this bizarre fixation further and have been taking note of other people's pronunciation of it...many say it without the "t" as well.  Even on TV.  

Are we all just getting lazy here?  I now feel like I need to reintroduce that "t" back into society's usage.  

Attention All Callers

Please STOP calling my cell phone if you are looking for The Bean Cafe.  This number is NOT The Bean Cafe.  I don't know where that is or why they get calls as often as you have all phoned.  

Furthermore, please don't get crabby when I relay this information to you.  You are my annoyance, not the other way around.  And if for some reason this is a prank, ha ha, now let's be done with it.  

God, I need some coffee...

Nap Time Is Near

Hello!  It is so beautiful outside, I'm thrilled!  We're weird though and are enjoying it indoors.  Lots of windows open and lounging around.  We've had a weekend spent with family--both sides even--and now we seem to be all partied out.  Our neighbors are having a soiree in the back yard but we've just been antisocial here.  Instead we've been organizing our home and watching the "Jon and Kate Plus 8" marathon on TLC.  I am in love with this show, it's one of the rare reality shows I can watch without experiencing guilt.  

Elizabeth Just Drives Me Bonkers

I try to watch "The View."  I attempt this feat at least once a week.  I am holding up my end of the bargain here as a viewer by listening.

But those darn ladies are not keeping up their end...

It's called "The View" ladies!  Please, for the love of the goddess above, PLEASE let each other speak!  You need to do this by listening to one another.  I can't hear a thing because you're talking all at the same time.  Screaming your point over the other women does not count as listening.  Give and take here...GIVE.  AND.  TAKE.  Oy.

My Seester Graduated! Mrs. Jarcy Is Very Proud...And Old. Congrats Muscrat!!!

Please Wake Up and Calm Down, Folks. You're Scaring Me Big Time.

I've had quite the week with my car and stop signs:

1)  I almost hit a biker while making a right turn.  I felt HORRIBLE about this and the biker was very quick to place all blame on me.  He flipped me off and he yelled at me.  I pulled over and on the verge of tears screamed out an apology and calmed myself down.  I've had friends get hit by cars on their bikes, I in no way want to do that!  I stopped but he didn't.  He didn't stop, he just kept blazing right past me on that bike flailing his arms and carrying on like I meant to cause him harm.  And that's what tipped me off--WAIT A MINUTE!  This dude came out of NOWHERE from behind me and didn't stop at the stop sign.  Aren't bikers supposed to follow the rules of the road as well?  I think so!  Secondly, he wasn't wearing a helmet.  Lastly, I don't have eyes in the back of my head, I can't possibly know when someone is flying past me at the speed of light from behind and out of nowhere.  He hadn't been there a second ago and now here he was zooming past and leaving all responsibility in my lap for his safety.  Well I'll do my part, but pitch in here!  Jerk.  

2)  I pulled up to the stop at the end of my street and I stopped.  It is a 4-way stop, we all stop.  No other cars--or bikes!-- were at the stop.  I pulled out to make a left turn and a car barreling down the road I was turning onto slammed on his breaks, slammed on his horn even more and with the other free hand flipped me the bird while screaming profane things at me.  Apparently he was completely CLUELESS that there even was a stop sign and was pissed at me for abruptly halting his forward movement.  I was in shock and just kept driving.  I hoped he wasn't going to turn around and kill me because he seemed on the verge and just needing an excuse to lose it completely.  Once I passed, he continued flying down the street at the speed of light as well. Jerk.

God I wish we were all driving horse-drawn buggies or walking to our destinations.  I'm retro like that.  That said, I got yelled at one time by a runner--A RUNNER!-- because I walked in front of him while attempting to cross the lakefront path with a small child.  It was either him or a trillion bikes...I guess I should have taken my chances with the bikes.  Jerk.  

Pushy Northerners

Who knew Canadian pharmacies were so unbelievably persistent.  

I get no less than 3 spam emails a day pushing me to buy discounted drugs.  Enough already, I do NOT need Viagra!!!  

I wish they'd hit me up to partake in the universal health care package they enjoy up there.  Get me that and THEN we'll discuss a Viagra purchase.   

The DeKalb Oasis Is Quite Nice These Days

Mr. Jarcy is in a new campaign for the Illinois Lottery.  Yesterday we found a picture of him while making a pit stop at the DeKalb oasis.  We told the guy behind the convenient store counter and he got really excited.  So excited that he gave us a $3.00 bag of peanut M&M's for free.  I was shocked at his generosity and told him we were happy to pay for them.  "No, that's okay," he replied.  "You already had to pay $4 for that Fiji water, it's the least I can do."  

Thanks, dude!  

Fit Old Guy Kicks My Butt

Yesterday was my last day in Florida and I was really sad to leave.  I got to spend some time with my best friend and even more time alone.  I spend a fair amount of time alone at home (okay, a ton) but this was different.  This was time spent away from the TV, out in nature and soaking up the sun.  I strongly recommend this to everyone.

I took a final walk along the beach and soaked up as much as possible to take home with me.  While walking along the water's edge I heard a voice behind me say, "You're slowing down, better pick up the pace again!"  It was an old guy with a full head of white hair passing on my right.  "Well, I think you're in better shape than me," I said.  Without slowing down one bit he replied, "Oh, you're a lot younger than me...I'm 72!"  I looked down at the weights strapped around his ankles and below ridiculously sculpted calves.  Yeah, this guy was definitely in better shape than me.  Within a minute of our interaction, he was at least 1/2 a mile in front of me.  

Now back to Chicagoland and preparing for my sister's college graduation this weekend.  I can't help but wish we were holding it on the beach...

I Am Really Liking Birds

This is my new friend.  He's a great blue heron and big!  These two fishermen were doling fish out to him from their bait bucket and then resumed fishing.  Great blue heron is a smarty though and once the fishermen left he did his own fishing from the bucket.  Take out the middlemen...seems like a good idea to me!   

I Scraped My Knee On The Ocean Floor.

One more evening stroll along the beach is on the agenda.  I have been privileged enough to encounter all sorts of coastal creatures this week.  

• Live sand dollars (they're brown and leathery feeling when alive)
  
• Lizards
  
• One huge and beautiful white great egret (that's a bird)
  
• An equally beautiful but not as huge white ibis (that's another bird)
  
• Countless gulls and pelicans
  
• More lizards
  
• Two nearly dead puffer fish (well one was probably more than nearly) 
  
• One live clam 
  

Oh yeah and some star fish along the restaurant we ate at last night.  The restaurant was called Sea Critters.  Never in my life did I think I would eat at a place named Sea Critters.  It must have something going for it though because I asked to go back after we dined there last year.  I ate chicken quesadillas.  That's probably frowned upon at a place that specializes in sea meat.  I'm a rebel like that.  

Sea Meat

The last few days I've eaten enough to feed all of Cambodia.  I do not recommend this behavior.  Ever.  The WORST part of it is that I've eaten things I don't even like.  Conch fritters?!  Come on! Ridiculous...

Embracing My Time

I got to this Gulf side town on Sunday and I'm staying until Thursday night.  Unless I decide to not return to Chicago.  In that case, I'll just send for my Mr. Jarcy, Fatty and Creepy (the cats) and an extra swim suit.  

I'm staying at the condo of my friend's family.  On one side of the building is the relaxing yet lively beach as well as a soothing swim pool.  On the other side is a Walgreens, Dairy Queen and bakery.  Yep, I'm in my very own paradise.

Tomorrow's agenda includes visits to all of the destinations mentioned above.    

View Of St. Pete Beach

Spoiled Brat

Hello...

I am in Florida!  I am in Florida!  I am in Florida!  

I'll post pics later.  Right now the pool is requesting a meeting.  God, I love these moments in life.  

I went to a drum circle on the beach last night.  Best people watching ever. 

Toodles!   

I'll Be Outside If Anyone Needs Me

I'm pretty sure Eminem would revoke my listening privileges if he knew his music was sandwiched between Elvis' "Blue Christmas" and Enrigue Iglesias' "Tired of Being Sorry" in my iTunes library.  Please don't tell him.    

I'm also pretty sure Miley Cyrus is really a 25 year old woman pretending to be ten years younger.  Come on, someone card this "girl" already!  I can't be convinced otherwise.  

Finally, I'm pretty sure wearing my 18 year old Jim Morrison t-shirt healed me from the weird illness.  I've had it since high school and its gotten me through a long bout with mono, surgery on my legs, countless sinus infections and now this bizarre bout.  Thanks, Lizard King, you da best!

  

The Soup Is Delicious

It happened!  It happened!  After 5 nights of fever and chills at 5am, the pattern has been broken.  I am really excited about this!  I need to post more wishes on my blog so dreams will become reality even more!  Dear magical blog, I wish to be healthy enough for my trip to Florida on Sunday.  And so it shall be...  

My friend went to the Cubs game last night even though it was freezing cold out.  She and I complain to one another about the obnoxious drunkies who flood our neighborhood during the season and neither of us claim to be big fans of baseball in general.  That said, I was insanely jealous of her outing last night.  Beer, bad nachos, rowdy Cubs fans...lucky girl!  You know I'm ready to be released back into the wild when I'm all teary-eyed over a baseball game.   

I have officially overloaded on HGTV. I used to find it enjoyable but I'm gonna have to throw the TV out the window if I see one more "House Hunters" where a woman whines the 3,000 square foot home she shares with a husband and small dog just isn't big enough to suit their needs.   

Hello World, Rise And Shine

Mr. Jarcy is filming a commercial today so he got up at 5 am.  I too woke up at 5 but my reason was quite different--I was due for my morning chills/fever session.  It has happened for the last 5 nights of sleep.  Maybe 5 will be the lucky number and I will not have another.  Let's all wish for that, shall we? 

I've been watching the Today Show.  Matt Lauer is doing his annual "Where In The World Is Matt Lauer" tour which seems to be the only time I must turn on the show.  It seems like he's always doing this!  That's fine with me though, I love to travel.  Unfortunately, someone talked a very sleep-deprived Matt into donning orange pants while in Amsterdam and all his fellow anchors back in NY have been making fun of him.  Poor dude, he probably doesn't even realize he's wearing pants after all that nonstop travel.  

My mother-in-law is stopping by to drop off soup.  I wonder if I could talk her into scoring me more ibuprofen...running low on supplies here.    

Almost A Full Year NOT Sick. Then WHAMMO.

Oh friends, all is not well with Mrs. Jarcy.  

I've had a fever, chills and aches since Thursday night.  No amount of Ibuprofen seems to help it.  And the Dr. said it could takes week to shake this bastard virus.  Woo!  Something to look forward to I guess!  Who gets stuff like this?  10 year-olds maybe?  Then I wish my mom was here.  Mr. Jarcy has been a good caretaker though.  Not quite the weekend he was anticipating I'm sure.      

I have to make friends with my bed now.  Easier said than done with that fat cat gatekeeper trafficking who makes it on.  Wish me luck.  

Thankfully my neighbors are having a Sunday afternoon party...they love to party when I'm sick.  Well, they just love to party.  Maybe they can pour a little beer out of its can in my honor.  "This here is for our homegirl Mrs. Jarcy upstairs.  Peace little lady.  Alright, now lets jack up the music!  Yeah yeah yeah!"  

Cold Turkey

I am not a huge fan of eating meat.  To each his own, I'm not about judging others.  It's just not my thing.  People always want to know my reasoning for this and there are several.  

1)  I don't typically crave it.  

2)  I LOVE animals and feel bad eating them when I don't have to.

3)  It's healthier to not eat it.

That said, I have slipped off the meat-free wagon.  Now I am not so crazed with this endeavor that I don't allow for meat at all.  On the contrary, if that is what a host is serving I will eat it.  Or if I'm stuck in the middle of Nevada with an In and Out Burger, I am going to indulge.  But in the last few weeks I have clearly moved towards being a more carnivorous creature.  I have consumed a pulled pork sandwich, turkey club (bacon included, of course), big fat cheeseburger, pork roast and countless fish and egg dishes. 

Does Dr. Drew deal with these kinds of issues at his celebrity-filled clinic?  I need an intervention.  I'm prescribing myself a healthy dosage of Disney movies, CuteOverload.com and tofu hot dogs for the rest of the week.    

The Real Housewife Of Chicago's North Side

Our apartment is in complete disarray.  Who out there is coming over to clean this joint?  I'll be around most of the week with little work projects here and there but not much else and will be happy to let you in.  

Adventures In Shopping

I just got back from shopping at Yorktown Mall in Lombard.  My grandpa had given me a gift card to Von Maur at Christmas and I held off using it until the nicer weather rolled around.  I'm impressed with my restraint--I usually blow those things in the first week of receiving them. Additionally, whoever thought up the invention of gift cards was really, really smart.  I spent double the amount mine was for.  I'm guessing stores know that will happen with most shoppers.  Genius.  

I, also, went to a Hallmark store for a birthday card.  Amazingly enough I could NOT find a card to my liking.  They were either way too cheesy (even for me and I am cheeseball cheesy) or too serious (I can be that too).  It is ridiculous to think an entire store dedicated to greeting cards did not carry a sufficient message for me to buy.  This is proof I should be writing my own.  

No earthquakes or cougar shootings today.  I think I can officially stop worrying about one of them returning any time soon.  (Big exhale sigh)

New Concern Replaces Cougar Hysteria

Setting:  Roscoe Village three flat apartment.  4:35ish am, Friday.  Perfume bottles on a dresser begin to shake.  A snoozing Mr. and Mrs. and two cats begin to stir.  They are groggy.  

MR.:  Why is the building shaking?  

MRS.:  I don't know, is it our neighbors fault? (Mrs. Jarcy likes to blame everything on the neighbors.)

MR.:  Is it an earthquake?  

MRS:  No way, we live in Chicago.  (Secretly Mrs. Jarcy worries it was an earthquake but talks herself out of that belief.)

MR.:  What time is it?

MRS.:  4:40.  That's too early for the neighbor to go to work.  I don't know then.

MR.:  Me neither, I guess we'll just....snore, snore, snore.  (Mr. Jarcy falls back to sleep mid-sentence and Mrs. Jarcy follows his lead).

 

I'm Still Worried There Is A Cougar On The Loose.

I had scary dreams last night.  I was getting the crap beat out of me and my parents just stood there and did nothing to help.  Then they got in their cars and drove off to work while I staggered about from my injuries.  I hate when I dream bad things about my loved ones.  It makes me paranoid and hateful.  I begin holding a grudge for something they in no way created.  I almost feel like calling my dad and asking him what the hell that was about?!  I tell Mr. Jarcy about the dreams in which he hurts me and sometimes he apologizes.  

   

Feeling Bad About The Big Dead Cougar. I'm Sorry Cougar.

I am going to Florida in a few weeks with my best friend and am overjoyed by my good fortune.  I have been craving sun, sand, sandals for a long time now.  We did this last year as well.  Her parents own a condo on the beach and I will spend my days walking on this beach, soaking in the pool and (goddess willing) typing my little heart out for my latest project.  

I must begin preparing my ass for Floridian viewing.  There are other parts of my body that could benefit from prep time as well.  Maybe I need to reinstate that "push-ups punishment for viewing online celebrity gossip sites" rule back into effect.  It worked so well the first time...

Roscoe Village Is Full Of Cougars

A cougar was running around my Chicago neighborhood yesterday until Chicago cops shot it dead a few blocks over in an alley.  We're not talking the fortysomething hot variety who preys on young men either.  

I heard what sounded like a round of gun shots around 6pm but convinced myself it couldn't be such.  Maybe fireworks?  Some home improvement tool?  Then two helicopters hovered overhead.   Hmmm, that's strange, I thought.  Why are helicopters hovering over the Starbucks?  Weird.  Maybe I need to investigate and as a bonus fill up on coffee...  

I left my house around 6:25pm and walked down to my friends house.  Tons of people were out running around, not the typical traffic.  I asked some kid if he knew what all the fuss was and he's the one who told me about the cougar.  

News reports say there were sightings of this 150-pound cat throughout the day.  Well that's news to me!  Nice to be informed of such, huh?  And if they knew about the cougar all darn day, why didn't they have a tranquilizer gun instead?  Nope, shoot it dead.  Now I feel sad, relieved and still scared.  Are there more cougars out there?  I'm a dog walker!  I don't think I want to find out.  And if there are more cougars, can we please relocate them to a better suited environment sans shooting them?!  Crimeny!

I wonder if one needs a permit to carry tranquilizing darts...

My Inner Fashionista Is Aghast

The internet is all abuzz with news Nina Garcia is no longer the fashion director for ELLE magazine.  People seem to be freaking out over this...oh my goodness!  Poor Nina, what is she going to do now?  Will she be allowed to judge on Project Runway still?!  Eeeeek!!!

Questions...

1)  Did anyone know who Nina Garcia was before Project Runway?  This isn't Anna Wintour of Vogue here.  No offense to Nina Garcia but I only know of this woman from being on TV.

2)  Do folks read ELLE??? 

3)  Seriously, who out there reads ELLE?!  Is it ELLE or Elle?  I don't even know.  This magazine is so far down on my magazine buying totem poll it's not even on the poll.  

Fluff and Fuzz

One of my jobs involves playing with puppy dogs.  These two "clients" are about as cute as they come.  There are worse jobs in life and I've had them.  Thank the gods above I now have this gig!  

Safety First People

Mrs. Jarcy is none too happy right now.  That's me, I'm Mrs. Jarcy--

I'm in the midst of spring cleaning.  Actually, we could just call it cleaning because I've been on this quest to de-clutter and organize for what seems like eons now.   I'm hitting it all-- there will be nothing left in this house that doesn't serve me, Mr. Jarcy or these two fat cats.  Sweaters inherited from my sister's friend that are too tight?  Gone.  Random notes scattered about on random pieces of paper?  Gone.  Never used Williams Sonoma yogurt maker?  Gone, gone, gone. 

I've now moved on to old cell phones.  I read somewhere you need to delete all the personal info left in the phone before recycling them off.  Yes, alright, makes perfect sense and will do.   HOWEVER, this darn thing keeps asking me for a security code in order to delete the contact list.  This is where I am stuck.  Security code?  I used my all-purpose code and it does not work.  I've tried a number of combinations, none work.  I've looked in the manual--which was no help whatsoever, thank you very much.  So now I am left with individually deleting all contacts listed in this phone because it will allow deletion that way.  Wait, what???

Which brings me to the point of this rant...

????!!!?!!?!  Why let me individually delete numbers but not all of them simultaneously?!  That makes no sense whatsoever.  Security code needed for mass deletion but not one at a time?  Couldn't one accidentally delete one phone number as easily as a batch?  And how hard is it to program security code prompt on ALL deletion?  One is okay, yeah, go for it.  Wanna delete them all one by one?  Sure thing!  But all in one fell swoop?  Woah, hold on here.  Well guess what-- There's no point in having SECURITY if there is a breach in security! 

Where's my tetris machine?  I gotta let off some steam.

Jiffy Lube Shout Out!

Good lordy! Next time you have a car and it needs servicing offered at Jiffy Lube, do yourself a favor and go when it is raining. You will be the only patron there and the Jiffy Lube boys will treat you like royalty. Seriously. For $31.33, I've never been treated nicer.

Jiffy Lube, I'm Coming To Visit

The cold is dissipating thankfully--I mean the one in my body, not outside. Outside is April showers but I'm still happy since the fog hovering over me is lifting. Yeah! I will miss my sick dreams though. Sick dreams are the most trippy and enjoyable things ever.

I have to take my car in for an oil change and coolant fill. I have avoided this task forever now. I wonder how much longer I could really push it?

I think I'm gonna write a book. My best friend is going to Florida for a few days because she can work from anywhere with her job. I don't have a job like that but I've convinced myself it would be a perfect excuse to go and write my little heart out. Well, between dips in the pool and jaunts on the beach!

Hanky Panky

Well I have lost all concept of what day or time it is this week. Last Friday I drove with my father to North Carolina to pick up my sister. She was at a college doing an internship. It was a long trip that day and it rained pretty much the entire 13 hours. My dad also failed to tell me he had a cough/cold. I was thrilled to have some quality one-on-one time with him but my dad's persistent use of a hanky grossed me out.

Saturday we were supposed to meander our way back to my hometown of Aurora, IL. Sister and I were in her ancient car (named Chubby) while my dad was in his car in front of us. We caravanned home. We took brief stops--one stop involved a disgusting McDonald's meal even for McDonald's standards in Berea, Kentucy--but we soldiered on until we got to Aurora. It was pretty brutal by the time we hit I-65 in Indiana. There is not a worse patch of highway then that I think in all the US. Besides, that's the stretch of highway where some crazy guy in a trench coat was shooting at people a few years ago. I'm still creeped out by it. We finally arrived to Aurora late night Saturday where my mom was waiting for us. She also was infected with this cold!

So, of course, by Sunday evening I was not feeling well and have been sicko ever since. In the last three days I think I've slept more hours than I've been awake. Thankfully my somewhat laid back lifestyle affords this kind of rest! And I'm still glad I went on the trip...if you can really call it such. More like a stop over.

I now have to go nanny some puppies. Again, an occupation that will tolerate my illness. Pup pups are therapy.

Pucker Up

I got my lips injected to make them look like Angelina Jolie's today. They're a little sore but look really big and hot. I'm going back to this Dr. for some other procedures at the end of the month.

April Fools, I could never do that. These women think their lips look so much better post injection when in reality they look horrific! What's wrong with them? Apparently my lips are thinning out as I age which is something I never knew or noticed on others. My mother and mother-in-law are 60 and I've never thought they need new lips. And now here I am looking at my lips wondering if they are smaller/thinner/less appealing than before.

I have enough hang-ups with my body, so I'm going to leave my poor lips alone.

I Have No Catchy Title For This Post

* I might vomit.  I'm watching "The Bachelor" and I do this to myself every single time.  The ladies are so attached and already crying?  They've known him for 2 days!  Oh brother.  Can you imagine being a crew member on this thing?!  These hookers get on my nerves.  

* I went to Whole Foods tonight for toilet paper.  Yes, you can buy toilet paper at a ton of places but 1) I was taking a walk near there and 2) I like buying the kind that's 100% recycled and unbleached.  And I spent $61.  So much for just toilet paper.  I also bought sugar free mini chocolate chip cookies (figure that one out), paraben free hand soap (it's complicated), veggie only sushi rolls (it's not complicated, I don't always like sea meat) and this pricey anti-aging face mask (it burned the hell out of my face).   

* I took a bath tonight and was way too close to knicking a very touchy area while shaving my legs.  My life flashed before my eyes.  I was enjoying the soak when all of a sudden I heard what sounded like a motor and dripping water.  Perhaps the neighbors are running some yard tool?  The tub is leaking?  No.  It was Fatty the Cat scratching my towel with her claws and purring.  Ha, so cute!  

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The Soup" is on right now.  God I love this show.  It is very, very, very funny.  Joel McHale might be the best host of the Soup shows ever.  Love him.  While the writers strike was on, "The Soup" was about the only show not on hiatus though because it's non-union.    

In an hour and a half I will have more fun with TV while the Kiera Knightly "Pride and Prejudice" movie airs.  I've seen the Colin Firth miniseries version as well but this rendition seems to stick with me. 

Now if there's a new "Rock of Love 2" on later my day will be complete.    

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    

On A Quest Here

I auditioned for a commercial today with a 12 year old girl.  She was playing the part of my daughter.  I could be offended they think I look old enough to be a pre-teen's mama but there's no point in that.  The job would pay well and be tons of fun.  I did my best to look older even.  

I chatted it up with the girl--who was super cute and could pass for my child I thought--before our audition.  Here's a snippet of our conversation...

ME:  So, have you been auditioning a long time?

HER:  Yeah, since I was 2.

ME:  Wow, 10 years.  That's a long time, you must be a pro!  (The voice in my head decides not to tell her I've been at this for 2 months after a 3 year hiatus.)  

HER:  Oh, there's me on a commercial right now!  Look, Mom, one of my commercials is airing! (Girl points to flat screen above the reception that has commercials the agency has casted for on a loop.)

ME:  Just one of your bookings, huh?!  Impressive!  Well I guess I'll be riding your coattails with this audition, okay? (The voice in my head decides not to tell her I have yet to book a commercial.)

HER:  Yeah, okay.  (Girl takes me literally, ignoring my chuckle.  She's a smart one, this girl.)

ME:  Okay!  Well, we'll have fun in there.  (The voice in my head says it is NOT appropriate to ask the child for career advice.)

Oy.  

Cry Baby

These days I am a tetris fiend.  A FIEND!  Mr. Jarcy is starting to worry about this new found addiction.  I bought a $19 tetris gameboy from Target and have been playing til my arms hurt, no joke.  I now regularly dream about tetris at night.  This shape goes with this box and then this long rectangle will fit nicely right into...  It's pretty intense.  After last night's intervention of sorts by Mr. Jarcy, I was starting to think he had a point.

Today something happened that was most unpleasant and I cried--well, continue to cry--over it.  I couldn't wait to get home and soothe myself with Tetris.  Sure enough, I came home, played a game and made it to level 10...further than I've ever gotten.  

There's no way in hell I'm giving up my cheapy gameboy now.  Tetris is my savior.   

******

If you are a Pisces, here is your horoscope for the day:  

Today is a 7 (out of 10).  Dreams for the future seem possible, and then problems arise.  The good news is that these are necessary steps in making the dream happen.  Don't give up.   

Shop Til Your Parking Meter Runs Out

I never shop downtown.

I live less than 5 miles from the Magnificent Mile but I've always found going down there to be effort I'm not willing to exert.  Instead I will drive 15 miles out of my way to a mall where I can park.  You can take the girl out of the suburbs but you can't take the suburbs out of the girl...  

Yesterday I had a voiceover audition downtown off Michigan Avenue and decided that I would seize the day and shop around for Mr. Jarcy's upcoming birthday.  Oh, I had a glorious time!  I went to the Nordstrom's mall and saw Dale from the last season of "Top Chef" on the street.  I was beaming and thought he was someone I know until I realized he is just one of my reality television friends.  I had committed so much to the smile that even Dale was wondering if we were acquaintances.  

I got done with my purchasing and was thrilled with myself for breaking out of the comfort zone.  So much fun dropping cash downtown with the tourists and trendsetters!  I felt exhilarated as I turned the corner and headed to my car.

And then ran smack dab into Mr. Jarcy.    

I couldn't believe it.  Right there on the street we ran right into one another.  I had thought about crossing the street earlier and didn't.  I had thought about running into another store and didn't.  Instead I ran right into the husband.  Ridiculous.  I did my best to conceal the gifts but retail companies do everything in their power to make their bags identifiable by anyone within a 300 yard radius-- Oh look!  That woman just purchased something small from Nordstroms! Wow, that sure is a nice store, I quite enjoy the shoe department!  Perhaps I should go there as well, thank you bag marketing!  

Where was my best friend Dale to help cover up all these purchases when I needed him?!  Jerk.  I saw him on the street and he didn't even bother to say "hello."  

The Deals We Make With Ourselves Are Ridic

Alright, it's has been decided that every time I waste time on a celebrity blog I must perform 10 push-ups.

I'm already up to 20 today.

I'll be as ferociously muscular as a pro wrestler by the end of the week.

I'm Torn

Should I shower and head to the store for groceries or do I shower and trek out to the mall?  Or maybe I shower, drop off dvd's to Blockbuster and leave the groceries and mall for tomorrow?  Perhaps I forgo the shower all together.  If I scratch that off the agenda then I should go work out.  I could walk to Blockbuster.  Perfect, I'll just bundle up and walk.  Wait, I have dinner plans later so a shower is back on.  There's clothes still at the cleaners I need to pick up, that's on the way to...SHIT!  The cleaners is closed.  So no cleaners, that will be left for tomorrow.  Well now I'm leaving everything for tomorrow!  So what was on today?  The shower.  And the dinner.  Oh and I still just have my one pinky finger painted with polish.  Well that just looks ridiculous, like I'm highlighting the one finger.  I'll paint the rest.  Or I could simply take the polish off the one...  

  

January, Strawberry and Chickahominy

The societal norms we create fascinate me.  Of those norms the baby naming is one that I am particularly intrigued by these days.

Naming a baby after a month--April, May, June...these have all been socially acceptable.  August has also gotten himself in there.  But what about March, October, September?  Months ending in "ber" are not okay?  Why is this?  

Naming a baby after fruit-- We now have at least one Apple in the midst.  And probably hundreds more after she paved the way.  Hmmm, I guess there are no other fruit names.  At any rate, there are definitely no vegetables.  "Asparagus, come away from the TV and don't make mommy say it again or you'll be having a time out!"  Nope.  

Naming babies ridiculous words-- Suri.  Suri?  Suri!!  I'm trying to see if this sounds like a baby.  It does not.  Did any of us really think Katie Holmes would be the type to name a daughter Suri?  I sure didn't.  I pegged her for the classics like Grace or Madeline.  That said, I seem perfectly comfortable with the names Maddox, Shiloh and Zahara.  Um, aren't these just as ridiculous?!  Yes, they are.  

So I'm right back where I started.  Certain names just hit us as bizarre and unfortunate-- 

"Think of the taunting that child will endure on the playground!  Were they smoking CRACK when they made that name decision?" 

Others seem acceptable, innovative, cool-- "Woah, naming a baby after a Civil War battle is the coolest!  I'm totally naming my first born Murfreesboro!"  

 

These trends exist regardless so I think I better be prepared.  I'm going with January, Strawberry and Chickahominy.  And now I've started my own trend because they all end in "y."  

Dance Revolution Not Required

Oh my goodness!  

Mr. Jarcy and I just had an impromptu dance party in our dining room and I think it was the most fun I've had since my 7th birthday at the roller rink!  I wanted to listen to a song that's been stuck in my head for days and all of a sudden I was dancing.  These days I tend to dance silly unless I'm out at a club (uh, which hasn't happened since 2002).  But tonight I heard the beat and it sucked me in.  It was like I wasn't in control of it and just let go.  Into the fun!  

And then Mr. Jarcy was dancing.  He too seemed swept up.  And together we were dancing!  Around and around our dining room table, effortlessly, in sync with the music!  It was like something you see in a movie, slow motion and award-winning soundtrack included.  

I can't wait til tomorrow for more of that.  I may never see the inside of a gym again.   

Workshop For Those Who Do Too Much

The Art of Procrastination

*taught by Mrs. Jarcy, professional procrastinator for the last umpteen years.  

Need help avoiding things you don't want to do?  I can help.  I have extensive experience in putting off everything, big and small.  I will coach you in skipping the following:  workouts, catching up on mail, cooking, laundry, every day errands, securing safety deposit boxes at the bank, more fitness related activities, writing novels, planning a move, making vet appointments, etc.  

That's right folks, if you want to avoid reality then I can help.  You will need the following tools to help you in this quest:  

1.  A computer connected to the internet

2.  A credit card for online purchases

3.  A tv with the channels Bravo, VH1, MTV, HGTV, TLC, A&E, TNT and any others that run "Law and Order."

4.  An eye mask for late morning and afternoon napping (we will start with one nap and work up to several within an 18 hour time span).

5.  An assortment of gossip magazines

6.  1 ipod loaded with 80's hair band tunes.  

Class times will frequently change and occur sporadically.  Interested students apply via email whenever you get around to it.

  

And Then WAY BACK UP!

After 3 years of not auditioning, I went on one the other day.  I felt I did a horrible job.  Horrible!  But I got a callback.  YEAH!  I cannot believe it, I really thought I didn't do so hot.  I'm just happy to be in the game here!  If I don't get the gig-which I feel is easily the case- at least I can say I got a callback on my first time back up to bat.  

I'm going to celebrate by blasting some music and vacuuming now.  Those two things go together right?  Oh, no I'm not.  Apparently Mr. Jarcy wants to vacuum and sing.  Because those two definitely go together.  Silly.  

Willard Scott Should Be Wishing Me A Happy Day!

Hello!

Today is my birthday. I am now 107 years old, can you believe it? Well I am. I may be old but I am one lucky son of a gun (er, daughter of a gun?). Mr. Jarcy bought me an AMAZING emerald and diamond ring. I can't believe it. Can we say spoiled?! Yep, that's me and I am not taking one minute for granted. Thank you Mr. Jarcy, you make me melt.

I've gotten so many well wishes today via email, phone, text and in-person lunches. There is one entity that beat all the others in wishing me a Happy Birthday though...Acuvue lenses via email. They even sent a "personalized" American Greetings ecard. God, those contacts have always been so thoughtful...

Major Zappos Plug Here

Look folks,

If you've never ordered shoes from www.zappos.com you better do it right quick. Why? Because they are right quick. I ordered some Ugg slippers late night and they showed up the next day around 5pm. Can you believe that???! Holy smokes, I cannot.

Thank you, Zappos. My feet would hug you if they weren't feet and you weren't a website.

P.S. I am, however, still partial to wearing Mr. Jarcy's slippers that are twice the size of mine. They make me feel big.

Siberia Has Competition

What was summer like? Was that the time in Chicago when we didn't have rain/sleet/hail/snow?! Once upon a time there was a sun too, correct? It's been so long, I don't remember... just a distant memory like my 7th birthday roller-skating party. Gosh, that was a fun time!

I've done my best to live life regardless of this annoying weather. I've walked dogs and hustled about with errands to complete. I've attended retirement and birthday parties. But yesterday I succumbed to its powers and did the unthinkable. I missed my tap class. MY TAP CLASS! You know things are bad when you miss the beloved tap class.

If anyone needs me I'll be in bed reading a cookbook.

Baby Steps

I've been feeling kind of run down and blah the last few days. Life is good, really nothing to complain about though. Well, except that it is beyond cold outside. Like 2 below freezing. And then Mr. Jarcy took my keys to work with him today. It wasn't on purpose but aggravating nonetheless. My butt still feels like the size of Texas. Not that I've done that much to change it.

Ah, you see where I'm at? Just feeling yucky. Wishing I could be on a Mexican beach again, if it weren't for the fact that Mr. Jarcy and I should just work and not even think about an escape.

And then my attitude adjusted...
I saw a woman--a grown woman--sucking her thumb. She was full on sucking that thumb of hers. Her right thumb and her left hand was up by her face as if an imaginary blanket was up there to comfort. She was doing this infantile thing while driving her car. A Volkswagen beetle--figures.

So there you go. Just when you start feeling sorry for yourself, someone else comes along to pity more. I'll have to call my mother later tonight and thank her for getting me to stop my finger sucking at age 4. Clearly this woman wasn't so lucky.

God, I'm Self-Absorbed Today...

Hello!

I just glanced at a pack of blank cd's and thought that the woman on the packaging was me. That would be quite interesting seeing as how I have never auditioned for this ad. Plus I think the girl on the case must be 10 years younger than me. So after a brief memory scan and reality check, I've concluded this is NOT me on the package. Okay, good, glad that mystery is over. Whew.

I'm going to pretend that it is me though. I think I'll even send out a mass email-- "Look everybody! My face and upper torso are featured on the 'imation Rewritable Media' box! Go buy your box today!"

It sounds silly, I know, but not everyone can aspire to be a Senator.