He's Up

Oh hello.  So, I called a postpartum depression hotline tonight while scarfing down dinner.  What did you do? 

Oh brother. 

I wouldn't say I'm clinically depressed--in fact, I know I'm not-- but it helped to call a total stranger who's a licensed therapist that I don't have to pay.  And I don't know how one gets through these first months without some blue periods.  So it was helpful, I got to vent and get support, however, there was a moment during our conversation that's sticking with me.  About 3 minutes into our talk I heard a little kid's voice and she had to cut me off, call out to her husband and get the child tended to by him.  I knew from that moment she REALLY knew what I was going through.  I also knew that moment that this struggle for time to yourself is never ending.  

And now I hear The Boy has woken up yet again.  Our bedtime ritual takes hours.  HOURS.  He just doesn't want to miss a moment I guess.  

Pooped

I am exhausted.  I'm not sure if you're aware of this but having a baby is utterly draining.  It's also magical, wonderful, meaningful, blah blah blah.  A common theme to mommyhood, however, is the exhaustion.  

I also have a new theory--you can follow all the advice the "experts" dole out in their best-selling books, however, no change will ever truly take place until you've hit that exhaustion wall.  For example--

1.  I had heard about co-sleeping--sleeping with your baby--but didn't think this was something I'd ever do.  In my experience, babies slept in cribs.  But it wasn't until Baby refused to sleep anywhere else but on me that I caved and began the new sleeping arrangement.  We were both exhausted and this was the solution.

2.  Then we both started to outgrow the co-sleeping arrangement.  Baby flailed around wildly and nursed all night so neither one of us was sleeping.  Then he clobbered my eye so bad that I had those 3 lovely trips to the eye Dr.  We were both exhausted, I was severely wounded and the solution was back to separate sleeping vessels. 

3.  I've never given The Boy formula.  He has thrived (and I mean thrived because he's bigger than 95% of all other babies his age) solely on breast milk.  And I've taken joy in this.  It's like a success amongst constant failure in this new job.  To each his own, I don't care what you feed your child, however, once I put in all that agonizing work to use my boobs to feed him, I was hooked and not willing to give formula.  But now that "exhaustion" word is popping up again and I think soon he will have his first helping of formula.  It won't replace the nursing but it will allow me 2 hours out for a pilates class while he is taken care of by his father.  We're both exhausted, my sanity is teetering so a little fake boob juice can hopefully be the solution.   

Dear god, I hope there is another mommy out there reading this.  If it's just my friends who are living the good life on an 8 month cruise in Hawaii then this post will be terribly boring.  My apologies, I'll blame it on exhaustion.  

More Unpredictable Than The Chicago Weather

The Boy is asleep.  ??!?!!!  HE IS ASLEEP!

Now I know you must be saying to yourself, "Well, Mrs. Jarcy, it IS past 11pm so OF COURSE your baby is asleep."  

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Yeah, it doesn't work that way with him* (*= I can only vouch for my own child).  

Earlier today he screamed his lungs out for 10 minutes because he was overtired and nothing would lull him to sleep.   Then later on I let him nurse/sleep off me for close to 2 hours because I thought I might die of exhaustion.  Now I know you must be saying to yourself, "Well, Mrs. Jarcy, surely there are other ways to make your baby sleep."  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Yeah, it doesn't work that way with him. *.  And I don't know about you, but one must be really, really desperate for rest if they sign up for this activity.  It's not like he ate that whole time, that was just the way I could keep him mildly sedated/half asleep so I could be mildly sedated/half asleep.  And you are definitely tired if you can sleep through my little alligator nursing off you the entire time.    

Tonight he's been up for close to 3 hours (babies his age should be awake for 2 hours and that's about it) so I thought FOR SURE we'd have Meltdown City like earlier (well and last night if you want to count more than one day).  

But no!  He is asleep.  

He just flopped around in his pack and play for a little bit and then PUT HIMSELF TO SLEEP.  No cries, no carrying on, no marathon nursing session.  And for those of you who are saying to yourself, "Well, Mrs. Jarcy, I put myself to sleep all the time.  I don't see why you're making such a big deal about this."  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Yeah, it doesn't work that way with him*.  Let me tell you, my friend, getting my baby to sleep--especially when said baby is toasty tired--is like lulling a wired up heroin addict to sleep while they experience heavy withdrawal.  Actually, it's way tougher because you're not expected to breastfeed the heroin addict. 

I better shut my own wired up brain down now.  If I don't start getting myself some more rest soon I will be looking for something with more of an edge than caffeine.  Like heroin.    

  

It's A Mindf*%#.

Yesterday was one of the most amazing days ever.  EVER means in the last 5 months.  

The Boy took 2 solid naps nowhere near me.  He was in his crib.  And he made it so easy--he just settled into the bed and nodded off to dreamland on his own.  

I needed sleep but also needed to complete essential tasks like paint my toenails and drink coffee.

This morning I tried the same strategy and felt confident it would work.  It did not.  Now he's wide awake and I am deflated.  

Um, when does this sleep schedule work itself out again?  I'm thinking when he's in college and I no longer have to sleep in the same house as him for most of the year.    

Baby's First Swing Ride

The Boy is 5 months and now he's swinging at the local park.  I sent this to Mr. Jarcy's phone and at first he thought he was running.  I guess it does look like he's charging at you, huh?  He thoroughly enjoyed it and lasted about 45 minutes in this position and happy as a clam.  

Mom Cut

I cannot believe how much time I spend with The Boy strapped to the front of my body in some fashion.  He used to just be snuggled up facing my chest but now that he's bigger (17 lbs of hunky boy) he gets to face out and soak in the world around us.  

As a result, I'm getting in the best shape of my life.  It used to take a bad break-up and cessation of eating to lose weight.  I'm glad those days are over.  

I also cut my hair.  I call it my "mom cut."  All that means is that it's shorter so The Boy can't pull it out so easily.  I'm sure I've had this cut no less than 3 other times in life and I wasn't a mom then.  Nope, instead I was enduring those slimming break-ups.  

Progress

Things that must be easier than putting a baby down for bedtime:

• Landing a 747 jet
  
• Curing world hunger
  
• Mining another dozen Hope diamonds

That said, we've had a glorious day here in blazing hot Phoenix East (also known as Chicago).  The Boy took 2 naps by himself in his little pack and play crib.  That's 2!  I couldn't be more proud.  He just gets dreamier by the minute.  :0)