What's Next, The Vacuum?

The Boy grows tired of his toys so now we've ventured on to kitchen supplies. Today we found that a large plastic cup from Baja Fresh and Christmas cookie tins will engage a baby for quite some time. We've also discovered that nothing can top a metal strainer. Had I known this I could have registered for "baby toys" at Williams Sonoma.

Shape Up

Alright.  So The Boy is 1.  And you know what that means, right?  It means his mother must get into shape.  Not just as in "Well, she had a baby a year ago and doesn't look too bad" shape.  No no no.  It means that she must fit into jeans a size smaller than before she got pregnant, miraculously eradicate a mid-section full of excess skin and build arm muscles rivaling Linda Hamilton's "Terminator" guns (wow, I'm really dating myself with that reference).

I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking, "Mrs. Jarcy, those expectations are unrealistic.  You really should be thanking your lucky stars you fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans and call it a day."

NONSENSE I say!  I will accomplish the impossible, I will I will!  I'm doing Pilates 3-5 days a week, walking sporadically, cutting back to a few glasses of wine every other day and consuming only two cookies after lunch!  Tonight I went above and beyond and ate carrots for dinner!  Carrots, for goddess sake!!!

So there, it is just a matter of time when these skinny jeans won't be as ill-fitting as O.J's bloody glove (wow, could I be any older?) and I will be the MILF I always knew I could be.  Now where's that ranch dressing?  That would garnish these carrots perfectly...

The Big One

The Boy is 1!  I can't believe it!  I think he had a good time at his party, I know we did!

Beaver Boy

We have a beaver living with us.

Do you see those bite marks on this crib?  They're from The Boy.  He's gnawing his way through teething.

Well, why don't you buy those guards you put on the railings?  

I did.  There's a gummy one covering the railing on the left and there's a cloth/pillowy one covering the railing on the right.  The Boy is not to be deterred, however.  Notice he's gone to great lengths to chew on the very top of the ends of his crib (the other side looks the same).  In order to do this he must perform a pull-up, toes barely on the mattress and then hold himself up there while he gnaws away.

I don't know if I should be worried about his consumption of varnish or impressed with his physical feat.  It's a combination of both.

He's Everywhere!

The Boy is learning new tricks every single day.  The latest in his bag are:

1.  Climbing into laundry while it's being folded.

2.  Throwing folded laundry onto the floor.

3.  Rummaging through his dresser and throwing all folded clothes out onto the floor.

4.  Climbing up onto the furniture, especially when our backs are turned for 5 seconds.

Busy times here!

Payback For The Earlier Tantrum

Do you know when little boys begin exploring "down there?"  I do, it's pretty early on.  I've noticed that any time his diaper is off his little hands are off exploring his little privates.  Bath time has now become anatomy 101 lessons.

"Yes, that's you're penis.  Careful, that looks like it hurts!  Yes, Boy, that's your penis."

He alternates looking up at me as I say "penis" and then looking back down at the penis.  Then I start feeling weird focusing so much attention on his family jewels so I continue with the lesson.

"And that's your foot!  And that's your other foot!  Oh and what's that?  That's your nose!  And you have an elbow and an ear..."

You get the point.  I continue to teach him about all the other parts that make up his body, however, I've usually lost his interest once I stop talking about the penis.

He Really Likes Sunglasses

I cut my hair off.  Yep, that's what I did.  It was already in a short bob so lobbing off a few more inches didn't seem that drastic.  I couldn't help it, there's only so long one can endure the same hairstyle.  I can see why Kate Gosselin cut her hair into such an asymmetrical, choppy 'do--boredom!  Don't worry, I didn't get the "Kate cut."  It's actually a throwback to an old cut I had about 10 years ago.  Now I'll spend the remainder of this year and the next growing it back to the long length it used to be.  That's the process.