Baby Spider Love

I made friends with a baby spider this weekend. As the previous post implies, I tend to at times get stuck in my apartment and only leave if I have to. It's not even like I don't enjoy the outdoors because I love it. But I don't always want to exert effort and seek out a group to hang with.

So a baby spider crawled up to me the other day when I was taking a bubble bath. I usually do not like insects or arachnids (because they're different right?) but this little guy was kinda cute. And I was alone, or was it lonely? Either way, we met. He kept creeping down to the water's edge which initially worried me and then annoyed me. What was the deal with this little guy? Was he trying to die? He was close to it. I made certain not to splash any water on him as I exited my bath and then looked back to make sure he was safe. I hadn't disrupted him at all. Good good. Then I turned my head again for a few seconds and looked back yet again to make sure he was safe.

He wasn't.

He was all curled up and mangled amidst the bubbles. I thought for sure he was dunzo and even shed a tear over him! There are a million bugs of all types living in the walls of homes and I am not opposed to the idea of killing them when they venture out into my territory. But this guy was special and I was pissed that he had been so stupid and careless!

Mr. Jarcy came home late at night from work and I relayed my story. He immediately felt guilt over working so much because his wife had decided a baby spider would make a lovely companion. He also said he wasn't so sure the guy was dead. Perhaps he had balled himself up for protection. I'm fatalistic so I disagreed. He was sure as dead.

The next morning I ran to the bathroom before Mr. Jarcy started a shower and guess what??! He was alive! My little friend was alive after all! Oh joyous day! I made Mr. Jarcy scoop him up and transfer him outdoors. I pray one of my big, burly neighbors don't step on him.

Now if one of those million-legged bugs come racing through the living room he will be toyed with by the cats and then I will kill him. Not sure why this double standard exists. Maybe if its a baby one I'll spare him too.

I'm Craving Shrimp Again, Happy Memorial Day Observed!

Cat 1: Do you realize she watched 6 hours of a PBS series on Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln yesterday while all the neighbors were out back barbecuing?

Cat 2: Yeah, she's not always the most social, is she? She's also been highly active in the middle of the night and then sleeping til noon.

Cat 1: Are we sure she's not a cat like us? I think I noticed whiskers sprouting from her upper lip.

Yikes!!!

Things that terrify Mrs. Jarcy these days located in Wrigleyville (in no particular order):

• The drunks that take over Clark and Addison (the center of Wrigleyville). It begins around 8pm Friday and this weekend won't let up until 8am Monday. It is disgusting which is a lot coming from me since a) the desire to drink excessively is part of my DNA code and b) I graduated from Illinois State University with a degree in drinking.
• A huge Virgin Mary statue chained to someone's porch and residing in their front yard. No religious idol/symbol/deity should be chained. Period.
• Skinny jeans everywhere I turn. This fad must die and soon.
• The dude who insists on frequenting the theater I work at wearing a bathrobe and towel over his clothes. The towel is draped over a humongous backpack filled with god only knows what.
• Strollers. There are so many and none smaller than a semi.

Someone send help ASAP! We are all in serious trouble if the above breaches in humanity continue.

1/2-Mails

Isn't it weird when someone sends out an email but only gives half of a story? I call these 1/2-mails and find them extremely irritating.

An old friend recently sent me an email stating he's selling his truck. This is not a close friend. In fact, I haven't actually seen this guy in person in probably 4 years. And he bounces around in life--one minute he's an airline baggage handler and the next he's a financial advisor. The only thing I sort of know about this truck is that he slept in it one night while tracking his ex-girlfriend (which is called stalking and scares me). So he sent me and the remaining 279 others under his "contacts" list this message announcing he's hoping to sell his stalking truck. Then he gave a picture of the truck and his asking price. And then he wrote, "Can't wait to drive my free ugly van!"

Free ugly van?!

Wait a minute, there are many, many details missing from this email and I'm not talking about the truck he's selling. This is such a tease! Why/how is he getting a free ugly van? Is he in a band? But they wouldn't give him a free van. Did he win it in one of those vehicle contests you see at the register at Perkin's and IHOP? He'd still have to pay the taxes though. Is he now a driver for FedEx? I didn't realize you took those vehicles home with you at night. I cannot figure out why he gets a free--albeit ugly--van. And I've been down this road with him before. I'll reply to the email asking all the obvious questions and he will either not reply or send out another mass email about the damn truck he's still selling. I'll have to wait until the next email he sends out which will be along the lines of, "Hey, I have 4 tickets to Little River Band, anyone want them for $100?" This is our little dance.

He's not the only one who does this, who sends out these 1/2-mails.

Another friend of mine sent an email out to friends with the opening line, "Well, my husband is now out of surgery and doing very well." The problem was NOBODY knew he even was having surgery! And that is a pretty terrifying 1/2-mail to get if you ask me. It gives the impression that the surgery was an unexpected. An emergency! Well it wasn't. The whole thing was planned and, therefore, we all should have been told that in a prior message or the one telling us he was in the clear. For some reason I didn't even get the 1/2-mail which is a whole other rant.

I will admit that my stories can get pretty lengthy (this one case in point). I'll be explaining a flight from Shreveport to Dallas that will include what brand of shoes the flight attendant was sporting. I'll even tell you what song I was thinking about (not even listening to) as I noticed the shoes. I can't help it, I am a stickler for detail. It can be annoying to those I'm engaging in conversation as well as to me. It's as if I have an illness and that illness is the inability to leave any fact or emotion out of a story. However, I think it's better to have too many details as opposed to the above examples.

Fair Weather Friend

Well today I am happy to be a Chicagoan. Shocking since it was just yesterday I was moping about the devastating truth that I am back from Floridian beaches. Today is the kind of day that makes living in Chi-town wonderful though! It was warm, sunny, packed with Cubs fans for the day game, etc. Usually the Cubs chaos drives me nuts but not today. Today I enjoyed it.

I even enjoyed the incessant interacting one must do while shopping at Trader Joe's. This is atypical behavior for me indeed! I tried to get a job there once and maybe I'll try again some day. I had the impression that bagging groceries and stocking shelves WITH benefits would be perfect for me. They thought otherwise. A thirty-something married woman must not be as reliable and worthy as the 19 year old girl with purple hair who skips through the aisles. Ah well.

I am now going to enjoy a glass of my cheap TJ's wine. Oh and I've also decided I want a degree in Spanish. My new fantasy job is translator and interpreter. Fun, huh? I wonder how long this will last...

What IS The Point Of Vacation Anyway?

Hi!

I went on vacation. I walked along a beach, I swam in a pool, I drank lots of Corona...it was lovely. I felt really good. I love, love, love warm weather and I love, love, love my best friend. A trip with those two things is wonderful.

Here's what I did most while in Floria:
1. Ate outdoors
2. Swam
3. Ate indoors
4. Observed everyone else staying at the condo building.
5. Determined which condos have hurricane shutters and what type.
6. Planned out what next I would eat.

Here's what I've judged myself for NOT doing while in Florida:
1. Putting my travel yoga mat to use. It didn't even leave my suitcase!
2. Swimming to the point of exhaustion. My desire for Corona was stronger.
3. Eating as healthfully and minimally as possible. My ass now it's own.
4. Journaling my brains out and ending up with a best-selling memoir.
5. Meditating daily so I could still be in a state of Zen.
6. Applying SPF 3000 sunscreen instead of just SPF 30. That sun was fierce!

See?! I blew it! I swear, I've come home crazier than I was when I left. I need to go find some string cheese to consume now to feel better. Maybe I'll try to walk off my newly plumper butt while I snack.

I Don't Have The Clap

I was just perusing craigslist's jobs section because I'm obsessed with looking for more dream jobs. The obsession mainly involves LOOKING, not actually PURSUING. It's what I do. And I wish someone would finally pay me to do it. I've gotten really, really good at it over the years.

Now this ad stopped me in my tracks...

Can you make your booty clap? Are you willing to be on film?

If so, contact us.

Please include a head shot and a full body picture (preferably front and back). We only work with talented professionals. We will explain more after we have screened out the fakes and the phonies.

I'm at a loss on this one. REALLY? YOU WANT TO KNOW IF MY BOOTY CLAPS?!!? AND IF IT DOES...THAT'S A GOOD THING?! Look, I'm too sexually repressed and/or naive to know if my booty claps. And if it does clap, then nobody gets to find out. There is no clapping sound emitting from my ass when I run or dance so I'm content. If it did, I would not be happy.

And then what does the line about screening out the "the fakes and the phonies" mean? Who or what constitutes as a fake or phony? Fake personality? Phony butt implants? I have no clue.

I am half tempted to inquire now. I want to know if I can pass the test or deemed a fake booty clapper.

The Why Vacation

Have you ever noticed how many of us have excuses for going out of town as opposed to just leaving for a little break? Now granted I do travel here and there for a job so people wonder whether I'm headed to Pittsburgh for pleasure or money. Makes sense. But even if I say a pretty cool destination (sorry Pittsburgh) the first question folks ask is, "Why?" I could say Cabo San Lucas and they'll want to know why. Why not??

Mr. Jarcy and I went to New York City for a few days and a handful of people asked if we were going to be auditioning for anything while we were out there. So now I get to ask WHY!? Auditioning for agents or shows? Well, no, we weren't. And when I stated that, no, we were just going they seemed perplexed. We just decided to have a long weekend and visit some friends. People go there to visit all the time!!! And then I actually felt a little guilty that we weren't doing that. Not that I wanted either of us to audition, just that it seemed to disappoint the person I was talking with.

Destination weddings, fertility vacation packages, divorce getaways...Do Germans have so many labels attached to their holidays? I bet they don't. They just take time off because they are given six weeks of vacation time. We, on the other hand, DO have to attach it to some reason/excuse because we're lucky if we get three weeks. And I am easily guilty of this which may be why I get asked about the nature of my trip. I did a two week Spanish immersion program in central Mexico once because it seemed like I could get a few tasks completed at the same time--vacation, continuing education for my job, learn a new skill. It's not that easy to go away and...well just go away because you want to! Poor us.