Mind Control

Boy's home away from home-- the mall train.

I have officially lost my mind.  My son now enjoys complete and utter control of it.  Yesterday, this was more evident than ever before.  Let me explain--

Shortly after waking up, Boy asked me, "Mommy, where my Gordon and Henry go?"  Gordon and Henry are trains from Thomas and Friends, the show I love, hate, love to hate and hate to love (very complex feelings regarding Thomas and his gaggle of motorized vehicle servants who live to obey and please their human masters).

"You don't have Gordon and Henry, honey," I replied as the word SUCKER flashed atop my head.

"Mommy, I need mine own Gordon and Henry," Boy said and then followed up that declaration with a very big, "PLEASE?"

I melted.  Boy says "please" but usually only after prompting.  And he never has really asked for specific toys.  I thought back over all the purchases I'd made throughout last week for myself and his father-- new running shoes (we don't run but walk like super hard), anniversary gifts for one another, etc.  It took all of half a second for me to determine Boy MUST have Gordon and Henry ASAP.  The fact he was emphatically mentioning over and over, "Mommy I need Gordon and Henry...PLEASE?" only convinced me further.

The SUCKER sign tripled in size over my head.

And so the Gordon and Henry ordering online began.  Boy got up close to the computer screen, overseeing my work and then pointed out, "Oh, that's Bash...PLEASE?  Oh, that's Dash...PLEASE?  Ferdinand!  Mommy, that's Ferdinand...PLEASE?"

My online shopping addict within took hold.  "Don't you need more train tracks too, Boy?" Boy looked at me but didn't answer.  He didn't need to.  "Okay, I'll get those too," I said, clearly under the train spell Boy had cast.

I wish I could say this is where the story ends but it doesn't.  You see, online shopping doesn't provide immediate gratification for a two and a half year old and his requests for Gordon and Henry continued.  Not in a tantrummy way either, simply a "I get mine own Gordon and Henry!"  I knew we'd hear this until the trains would arrive two days later.  Two days could feel like two weeks.  So I canceled the Amazon order and we headed to Target.  Did I mention I had a really intense sinus pressure headache?  Well I did which may explain why I was so anxious to give him new toys to occupy his time.  I pushed through the pain, the mission to find Gordon and Henry coursing through my veins.

We found a Gordon.  We found a Henry.  We found a Percy and some more train tracks.  They were battery operated-- not the usual wooden trains we buy that Boy loves to roll back and forth, back and forth, back and forth on everything from train tracks to my leg.  (This is foreshadow right here).  But Boy was captivated by them and their voices.  "I'm Gordon!  I'm the fastest and best!"  We brought them home.

Thirty seconds after Gordon was unwrapped Boy tried his usual back and forth rolling of the train which, of course, didn't work well as Battery Powered Gordon had his own agenda to simply move forward.  "Mommy, Gordon is broken," Boy announced.  "You fix...PLEASE?!"

I fixed it by running off with the other battery operated trains and hiding them in my closet, hoping he'd forget we had brought them home.  Then I hauled ass back on to Amazon and reordered our original purchase of 5 wooden trains and then-- get this-- clicked OVERNIGHT SHIPPING on the whole order, train track set and all.

Now Boy has enjoyed Gordon for almost a day and learned how to deal with his relentless desire to move only forward.  Gordon has broken a few times and somehow recovers on his own so that Mr. Jarcy and I can simply say, "He's fixed!" and then the two of them go back to play time.  And now I sit in a coffee shop waiting very impatiently for all the other trains to arrive just so I can see that child's face light up like it's Christmas morning (and believe me, it really is like Christmas morning with how much that shit costs).  

Yep, lost my mind for sure.

But I'll tell you what-- this kid means the world to us.  And he's not a spoiled brat.  He's super cute, super funny, super energetic, super spirited.  He's not just super, he's SUPER.  He's like a million rays of sunshine that I get to bask in.  So at least I moved to Hollywood and he's got control of my mind instead of all those Scientologists.  With Boy in charge, they have no chance of snatching me up (I'm easily talked into things and fear that could easily happen).

Master and Mom Servant