Do You Have This In A Size 24 Months?

A few days ago I went shopping for a new swimsuit from Macy's.  I came home with ten articles of clothing--all for The Boy.

Yesterday I went to Barnes and Noble for a cookbook and two other books I've been wanting to read.  I came home with three books--two for The Boy and one on being a mommy.

Tomorrow I'm planning a trip to Target.  Items to be purchased are baby cereal, new bath toys, new sand toys and a mini basketball.  No items for me, all for The Boy.

At any given moment there's about 10 items on a wish list in my head of things to buy The Boy.  One thing gets purchased and then a new "necessity" fills the empty slot.  The wish list is never filled, it's simply replenished as he grows.

Don't worry, I get plenty as far as mommies go.  If my hair needs a cut I get it cut (although I'm putting a moratorium on the cutting).  If I really need an article of clothing, I buy it.  But none of these selfish buys gives me as great a pleasure as splurging on that adorable dude above.  He is just too too too lovable.  I get asked if The Jarcys plan on having more kids and right now I am more than content with just the ever popular, never to be duplicated, loved by all--The Boy.

Still Pissed My Baby's Toys Were Lifted

"Someone stole my toys so I soothed myself with pasta and grapes for lunch.  It makes me look like an oompa loompa from the nose down."

I've been thinking about how my son's toys were taken today at the park.  (The last post contains all the gory details.)  One overly helpful mommy suggested to Mr. Jarcy that we should have The Boy's name written on all his toys if we are going to bring them to the park.  She also seemed to be stealing the toys while doling out her sage wisdom but let's just process the advice part...

Parenting Tip #548--Sharpie your child's name on any toys that may be mistaken as someone else's.

Is there a required reading that explains all these rules of parenting?  Evanston North Shore Hospital gave us a book on newborn basics before being sent home but that was it.  Besides, the kid is not even two and doesn't go to preschool or daycare where he and his toys would leave our sight.

But more importantly, I don't NEED to write my son's name on his toys to know which are his and which are not.  As his mother I have all of his belongings catalogued in my head.  Not only can I differentiate between toys belonging to him as opposed to other children, I can also rattle off where those toys came from--


The lone, little puppy is from my sister's childhood and came back with us at Christmas from my parents' house.  The piano, trumpet and guitar were a set I bought in August 2009 at the Target in Aurora, IL.  The orange plastic basketball goes to a football/basketball/baseball combo I bought at a garage sale in Burbank, CA the first weekend we lived here and cost $5.  

I may sound crazy but I'm certainly not alone.  ALL mommies possess this gift/curse to some degree so Miss Know It All Mommy's advice is a load of crap.  NO Mommy needs to scribble names on their kids toys--it just comes with the territory that you innately know.  I may not be able to recall today's date, my husband's cell phone number or my maiden name but ask me about my son's ball collection and I'll give you an earful.

Long Post Regarding My Baby's Stolen Goods

Someone stole my baby's sand toys.

I'm not kidding.  Is this not ridiculous or what?!  Mr. Jarcy took The Boy to a park, our main park.  We love this park but hate how some kids don't share toys.  They run over, grab the toys back from The Boy only to leave it somewhere still within his line of sight and not play with it.  That's just silly and rude. Where are the parents?  Many moms and dads don't allow for this and we like those moms and dads.   Other parents are off working on laptops and yapping into cell phones about orchestrating helicopter shots in action movies (true story).  That parent can't be bothered with petty toy sharing (or their kids for that matter).  And then there are parents who apparently steal.  Nannies don't play any of this bullshit, they just encourage the kids to share and play in harmony, god bless em.  

If a kid comes up to play with The Boy's toys we allow it.  If he's not playing with them then someone should.  So today kids played with his sand toys.  Unfortunately, those kids also claimed them as their own and left The Boy high and dry.  The Boy arrived at the park with a rake, two buckets, a shovel, a boat and a sand mold.  He came home with a rake and a sand mold.

Well, Mrs. Jarcy, you know, sometimes you have to write your child's name on his toys so this doesn't happen.  

Yes, I suppose you are correct and one mommy made sure to point this out to Mr. Jarcy repeatedly (as she was stealing the toys).  But here's the deal--do you really not realize you're leaving the park with double the amount of toys as you had upon arrival?  I don't think so.  And seriously, we live in STUDIO CITY, people!  It's nowhere near Compton, it's an upscale 'hood where The Jarcy's will only be able to buy a home if we "make it big."  So go to Target yourself and drop another $10 on toys, you thieves.  

I'm not going to give up on the toy sharing even though part of me wants to be childish.  Hey, those are HIS toys!  It has his name on it so you can't have it!  No, I will not do that.  We'll write THE BOY all over his toys, share them often and keep one eye on the goods at all times.  Lesson learned.    

Pretty Soon He'll Be Wearing Me

For old times sake I've been hauling The Boy around in this wrap carrier.  I'd wear him in this for hours--correction, HOURS--as it was one of the rare things that would keep him soothed and sleeping during those early (and oh so rough) months.  At almost 14 months he can walk and even starting to run so it's rather pleasant to give yourself a break from chasing after him.  It's a workout still but in a different way.  It's like my version of cross training.  He's practically half my size though so we look ridiculous.  I don't care though, we both enjoy it.  Plus, after you take him off you feel as light as a feather which is always lovely.  I'm trying to work up the nerve to go hiking with him like this.  It could easily do me in so we'll have to hope he could carry me back down the hill.  I'm pretty sure he could.

I've Never Shown My Face On This Thing

Early AM checklist--

• Ridiculously large glasses bought when I was 9 months pregnant (I blame hormones)-- Check.
• R-Patz inspired haircut that sometimes I enjoy but usually just makes me miss long, lustrous hair (I blame post pregnancy hormones)--Check.
• Makeup from yesterday still affixed to my face (I blame extreme fatigue)--Check.

Who says a stay-at-home mother isn't a life of glamour...

Things That Overwhelm Me

Managing more than two healthy habits at once.  I can floss and exercise but then vitamin consumption drops drastically.  Pick vitamins back up and--poof--there goes the flossing.  It's not a conscious decision, it just happens.  I'm forever picking up habits I'm well-versed in adopting yet horrible at retaining.   


Free time.  I have NO idea what to do with myself when I have free time.  There are too many tasks that need to be done and too many tasks that I'd prefer to get done.  So I end up in front of TMZ's website and piss the time away.  I hate that.  


The thought of flying with The Boy.  That's not a good thing to be overwhelmed by considering we moved 2500 miles away from home.  I love travel but lately my life is contained in a 5 mile radius from this apartment.

Our car constantly breaking down.  This thing gets driven minimally and has never left the Jarcy family. How hard can it's car life really be?  Not very in my opinion.  We should all be so lucky to work as little as this car.  Maybe it's feigning illness just so we'll put it out of it's misery.  I'm ready to pull the plug.  


And now for the absolute topper of all things that overwhelm me--


Buying jeans.  Next lifetime I'm coming back as a man.  They clearly do not have the same issues.  Hey!  Maybe that's the trick...I need to head to the teen boys' clothing department!  I'm totally going to try that out and report back... 

Payback Was Immediate!

So in my last post I was elated that The Boy had been keeping himself occupied for 40 minutes in his crib after napping.  He likes to play in there for a bit on his own and we're happy to oblige.  I had left him in there with a sturdy baby book, his beloved blankie and a toy caterpillar.  The blankie and caterpillar are regulars on the nap circuit, the book is a newcomer.  He loves looking at his books so I thought it would be a harmless and welcome addition.

I was wrong.

He ate the end of his book!!!  To make matters worse, I had been watching him on this the entire time and never once picked up on the snacking going on.

We paid good money for this video baby monitor and use it constantly even though our apartment is no bigger than 750 square feet.  The thing on the left propped up against the crib is the old futon we used to sleep on and have nowhere to store it as we live in less than 750 square feet.  We watched him play with caterpillar, READ the book, try to put his socks back on (that was really really cute) but NOT ONCE did we see him EAT the end of the book.  Unbelievable!  Mom guilt is intense after an episode such as this.  I feel like a total loser mommy as a result.  I let him eat his book!  I let him eat his book!  Why don't you just toss steak knives in there next nap time, Mrs. Jarcy!  Moms are supposed to know this shit just like they know the difference between a pack-n-play and a play pen!  Seriously.  

Note to self:  No more books in bed for The Boy.  Not until he's 12 and can be trusted to snack on something else.  

Baby Creatures Unite In A Holding Pen

We went to a petting zoo today at the Studio City Farmers' Market.  The Boy seemed to like it.  I sent him in with Mr. Jarcy and then wished I had gone in instead.  Maybe I should have bought my own ticket and frolicked in the other corner filled with baby goats and bunnies.  Here is The Boy and a pig.  He'll call hamsters in a car commercial "cat" but he didn't do any naming today.  He simply took it all in.  And who can blame him, there was a lot going on in that place!  Baby chicks, pigs, goats, bunnies, chickens, a cow and then umpteen million humans.  And poop.  Lots of animal poop.  One poor guy's job was to take tickets and clean up poop every 30 seconds.  That is not something I miss from my dog walking days at all.

Speaking of holding pens, The Boy has been playing all by himself in his crib for the last 40 minutes.  This is a great gift he has given his parents as he typically expects us to entertain him around the clock.  Between that and a morning where we were able to get up, shower and eat breakfast before The Boy did, I'm actually feeling like a sane human being again!  I'm sure he has an all-night party planned for me as payment for all this "me" time.  He keeps track of these presents to us!

Cat!

(The Boy and his cat.  Better pictures in the future.)

"Cat!" says The Boy.

"Yes," I say, "that's your cat!"

"Cat!" he says again.  We'll repeat this little exchange another 5 times at least.  The Boy is very similar to that dog in the movie "Up." You know, the one who says "squirrel!"  The Boy's squirrel is our cat although dogs and other animals also are called cat.  He's cat obsessed.  The only word he will say is cat.  I've tried leading him into branching out to dog, mama and dada after a series of "cat" but he won't follow.  He's too smart to be tricked into speaking other words.

Creepy The Cat has always been, well, somewhat creepy.  Not in a harmful way.  More of an anxious-please-love-me-all-the-time kind of way.  So she's on Prozac and has been for years.  It helps immensely.  We didn't know how she'd take to The Boy but she has been amazingly well behaved, patient, tolerant and loving.  As a result, he is on her constantly.  If she's anywhere within his reach he is patting her ("Gentle, Boy, gentle with the cat!  Gentle pats!"), using her as a pillow or sticking his finger in her mouth.  She lays back and just enjoys it all with the exception of tail pulling.  I can't say I would tolerate him quite as well as she has. Good job, Creepy, all those pre-Prozac days where you drove us crazy are paid back in full.

Internal Guilt Monitor

• I just ate the rest of the Ben and Jerry's chocolate brownie frozen yogurt.  Sorry.
• I ate it in the other room so Mr. Jarcy wouldn't find out and want me to share. Sorry.
• Dinner was thrown together in record time and included no veggies for me and Mr. Jarcy.  Sorry.
• I'm spending way too much time writing about food.  Sorry.
• I just got The Boy in bed for (knock on wood) the night because I let him nap until after 6pm.  Sorry.
• I too took a nap past 6pm.  Sorry.
• Having a baby when you're 36 is exhausting and he probably wishes he had a younger mommy.  Sorry.
• Correction, he's a toddler, Mrs. Jarcy.  Sorry.
• I spoke to my mother tonight and she misses her grandson.  Sorry.
• I'm way more into the minute details of Sandra Bullock's marriage woes than I am into this health care bill I'm convinced will never pass. Sorry.
• I can't get health insurance on my own due to a pre-existing condition.  Sorry.
• The hummingbird feeder has been sitting on the kitchen counter waiting patiently for me to fill it with more food for days.  Sorry.
• I routinely reply to emails later than I'd like.  Sorry.
• Speaking of late, it's time for me to re-brush my teeth and attempt sleep now.  Sorry.

This post might be one of the weirdest I've written.  Sorry.   

Early Evening Routine With Mrs. Jarcy

The Boy is asleep.  It's nap time.  And now approaching 4:30pm.  Do I wake him so he'll sleep at night or do I let him sleep so he'll sleep at night?  Wait a minute, it makes no difference what I decide because he'll either sleep or not sleep tonight based on what HE decides.  For a moment I forgot that we are the ones sleep-trained, not him.  Sorry, Boy.

So what can I decide...  Should I have a coffee or a glass of wine?  Hmmm, well if I have a coffee then I can have a wine later.  If I have wine now then I should probably hold off and not have more.  Or just have more much later.  But maybe I should take him outside and run him since he's a Labrador in baby's clothing.  Yes, so a coffee it is.  Wine, you're on deck.

Coffee homemade or coffee bought at the cafe around the corner?  If I want coffee from the cafe I have to wait for The Boy to wake.  Or I can just make some here, this is why we have a coffee maker, after all.  But then if I start it up he's sure to wake up!  Wait, is that what I wanted to happen anyway?  I can't remember.

Pants On The Ground

I have no idea what possessed this baby but tonight he decided to strip himself of his diaper.  He just sat down and ripped it off in front of me.  And then he ran around like a crazy person.  I don't blame him for  needing a little breather for the buns, however, I'm hoping he doesn't make it a habit.  Our potty training schedule will be starting much sooner than expected if this continues.

Nice polo, Michael!

I bought this shirt for Mr. Jarcy from a resale shop.  It's not the most exciting, I know, but he needs warm weather clothes and it was used on "Knight Rider" (the recent, short-lived version).  Every item in this unique store has a code that specifies what TV show, movie or studio the item comes from.  I also bought some clothes from Disney and Universal.  How fun is that?  I can't wait to go back.

Dear Elephant, I Hate You

See these blankets with heads?  At first I had no idea what they were because they come all bunched up.  (Do I hang them on his nursery walls?  Why is there no explanation written on the damn tag?)  But luckily The Boy is much smarter than his mother and began using them as soothing blankies.  Giraffe is his favorite.  Sometimes he holds onto two at a time and Giraffe is always one of them.  Puppy and Chick will do when Giraffe is not available.  There's a whole pecking order with these things which brings me to Elephant...

The Boy hates Elephant.  

I don't know what Elephant did to this toddler but he does not like him at all.  I give him Elephant, he tosses him aside.  I hand him Elephant again and he hurls him across the room.  Ouch!  Isn't he like all the other blankets?!  To The Boy the answer is no.  Maybe I'll take Elephant.  Mommy could use a soft little blankie to comfort her every now and then.

Baby Bits

The Boy has learned how to make himself laugh.  It comes at our expense, of course.  During his nightly bath he dumps water on us with these toy cups.  He performs his trick when we're not expecting it.  Then he laughs maniacally.  Sadly, he's encouraged only more by our response.  It's just too funny to get angry with with him.  We've tried to keep a straight, stern face but his baby laughs are too adorable to crush.  

Zoo Day

The Boy walked around the zoo today.  It was nice weather even though I saw a number of children wrapped up in winter coats.  65 degrees and overly cautious L.A. parents put their kids in winter gear?  They'd never survive Chicago I'm afraid.  The Boy was sweating just in a long-sleeved shirt.

I'm always so surprised at how many folks are taking countless pictures of the animals.  Why someone needs a photo of a langur through the view of a soap-covered window pane is beyond me.  Do they pull them out at holidays?  To each his own but  I took all my pics of The Boy.  I love how tiny he looks walking with his tall father.

Then we came home and I made lasagna.  The Boy really liked lasagna.  Cheese is my favorite food group and he's following in my footsteps.  Thankfully he'll eat the peas as well.  I noticed he primarily uses his left hand when shoveling in food too.  Yep, chip off the ol' Mrs. Jarcy.

Walk This Way

This boy is standing all on his own. He's also walking on his own. On his own! Ah, it's beautiful. What I love about this captured milestone is that he's so engrossed in whatever is blaring on the TV that he's not even aware of this major feat (mom guilt kicking in). I held a playgroup for 299 other children and parents last Friday and amidst the chaos The Boy started all this unassisted standing/walking. I guess seeing all those other kids manhandle his belongings was enough enticement to launch off the knees.

Peelats

As I've mentioned before, I've been doing a lot of Pilates since moving to L.A. Actually I started back in Chicago (the best present my mother-in-law ever gave me) but wasn't able to commit to it like I have now. It's a pricey hobby and feels terribly indulgent yet also terribly necessary. Lugging The Boy around is no small task and can inflict major damage if one is not in peak condition! And it's good to dedicate serious time and cash on me and only me. I've struggled with keeping with a regimen and now I can finally say I consistently work out.

My secret?

These sticky-padded toe sox above. Now that the studio has implemented a "socks only" policy I get to wear these fancy numbers. Sexy, huh!? It's just the image that comes to mind when you think of a woman stretching and toning atop an exotic machine! Oh well. While I would like to get my sexy back from all this Pilating, I'm also just hoping it helps me get through the day free of aches and pains. And so far it has delivered just that.