That Cow Is Laughing At Me

"Do you like my hair?  I was inspired by Motley Crue!"-- Maggie, old friend of Mrs. Jarcy's back in Chitown.  

I keep seeing this woman on Mini Babybel Cheese commercials who looks and acts a lot like me. Or at least a former version of me.  Or the version that lives in my head and only I think resembles her.

Well anyway, it could have been me in those ads instead of her.

After a two year hiatus from auditioning I had decided to resume and that was my first audition back.  This was in Chicago probably three years ago now.  I was convinced I had done horribly.  I had been incredibly nervous, unprepared and uncomfortable in front of the camera.  Not a winning combination when auditioning.  Then beyond all reason I got a callback.  It was more shocking than if I had been awarded a key to the city for paying off all my parking tickets.

Seeing the commercials now I understand it's because I LOOKED the part.

She looks younger though--a tad younger than I did back then and way younger than I do now (or is it that I FEEL so much older?).  In the more recent ad she looks cuter than the original, like someone gave her a Mini Babybel makeover.  She's not just cute, she's now groomed Girl Next Door.  The Girl looks good!  I can't help but compare myself to her even though this is not fair to either of us.  She's crawling towards 30 while I'm bum rushing 40.  Her hair is longer and darker while mine got butchered into the obligatory Mom Cut and continues the plight to reach past my chin.  

Girlfriends told me not to chop all my hair off post baby.

Girlfriends warned me this urge would envelop my entire being and me convinced that chopping it was the right thing to do.  It was gonna make me feel better about spending 200 hours a day nursing a newborn. The Girlfriends told me not to listen to the urge, the urge was a lying sack of sh*t and to let the urge pass and then see how I felt.  But of course, I gave in to the urge.  And then I gave into the urge even more when we got to California and lobbed most of it off.  The urge really ran the show.

Now please don't misunderstand and think I am opposed to cutting one's hair.

I am not.  My friends have chopped their hair off and they look stunning.  Stunning!  And I don't think I have looked all that bad with the short 'do either and I've done it plenty in life.  It's just that now that I'm feeling more like myself--a pre-mother version of myself-- I can't look in the mirror and recognize that woman.  Yes, she looks familiar but where's her hair?!  Maybe having that hair is my own security blanket.  Like the visual cue that I am still here amidst all the changes in life.  Ah, there she is, I could say.  Good to see you've made it to the party, after all!  Of course, if I hadn't cut my hair I'd probably be whining about that.  Why do I still look like that Mini Babybel Cheese Girl?  My life is so different now! 

I really can't win with myself sometimes.