Mrs. Jarcy, you have a baby screaming in your head? Since when?
Yes, I do. You do not, I take it? I've had this Screaming Head Baby for as long as I can remember which is roughly for the last year and a half. Come to think of it, I've had the Screaming Head Baby for as long as I've had the real screaming baby. Interesting...
Well I can't recall if I've mentioned him before but I have a baby who screams bloody murder in my head.
It started early on when The Boy was a colicky hot mess newborn and refused to be soothed by anything but my boobs. If my boobs were not in his mouth then he was screaming. Once I had to spend a visit with a very dear guy friend (you know who you are) with my boobs out every 4 minutes so that The Boy would stop his incessant crying for but a few precious moments. Hours, days, months I lived like this. It was hell and the experience will haunt me for the rest of my life and quite possibly well into whatever happens after my death. What made matters worse, however, was when The Boy actually was quiet, I, unfortunately, wasn't able to turn off the screaming in my head. I'd spring out of bed convinced he was wailing away only to find him all cuddled up against his father. The Screaming Head Baby and The Actual Baby have really done a fabulous job at conveying their needs with that screaming feature. Is there an award given out to babies for most effective screaming? If so, this duo is a shoo-in.
It started early on when The Boy was a colicky hot mess newborn and refused to be soothed by anything but my boobs. If my boobs were not in his mouth then he was screaming. Once I had to spend a visit with a very dear guy friend (you know who you are) with my boobs out every 4 minutes so that The Boy would stop his incessant crying for but a few precious moments. Hours, days, months I lived like this. It was hell and the experience will haunt me for the rest of my life and quite possibly well into whatever happens after my death. What made matters worse, however, was when The Boy actually was quiet, I, unfortunately, wasn't able to turn off the screaming in my head. I'd spring out of bed convinced he was wailing away only to find him all cuddled up against his father. The Screaming Head Baby and The Actual Baby have really done a fabulous job at conveying their needs with that screaming feature. Is there an award given out to babies for most effective screaming? If so, this duo is a shoo-in.
The Boy is much much older now-- 18 months today!-- and mostly sleeps through the night (knock on wood, I'm so paranoid of jinxing it). But then we'll go through a rough patch of restless nights or some pretty wild tantrums and Screaming Head Baby swoops back into the fold. Just like a pavlovian dog I jump out of bed to see which baby is in distress. I'll do this at least a couple of times before being able to re-settle myself. And the next day I'm usually pretty tired from sleeping on the edge.
It's safe to say that Screaming Head Baby could retire anytime now and I would be much happier, healthier and saner. Perhaps I could go down to drinking just one cup of chamomile tea a night! A girl can dream...
It's safe to say that Screaming Head Baby could retire anytime now and I would be much happier, healthier and saner. Perhaps I could go down to drinking just one cup of chamomile tea a night! A girl can dream...
No comments:
Post a Comment