Head To The Mall When It's 115 Degrees Outside

"FINALLY I get time in a race car!  Now is this the clutch?"

  

A Rocking Meditation For Two

Most Amazing Boy To Ever Live
(photo is just too irresistible to not post a second time)

You've all heard me complain about sleep on no less than several hundred occasions (I'm a broken record!).  Every night is a crap shoot as to how things are gonna play out.  Will he just play for a little while and then peacefully conk out?  Is he gonna scream bloody murder for 5 minutes and then conk out but awaken 5 times throughout the night for no reason apparent to us?  Am I going to make it emotionally, mentally and spiritually to reach his 18th birthday with all this sleep stuff screwing with me?  It's all a mystery.

After our usual routine of books, teeth brushing and "Nina Sleeps" from our cable On Demand feature I was ready for the night to end.  (That "Nina Sleeps" program could cause drowsiness after a week of sleep, it is that powerful.)  I put Boy in bed and prayed he would settle himself.

He did not.

Now this is the point in the story where I usually start to lose it.  "It" meaning my mind.  "It" meaning hope. "It" meaning my faith in whether I can successfully pull this Mommy thing off.  Fatigued myself, I start talking to The Boy on the video monitor as if he [a] can hear me, and [b] will follow my instruction.  "Go to bed, Boy!  Please," I plead, "Mommy will buy you your very own horsie, Ford F150 and city bus first thing in the morning if you just go to sleep now!"  My blood pressure begins to sky rocket and no matter what I try to ignore the crying toddler I just cannot tune him out.  I can't read, watch tv, prepare for sleep myself...I'm full of anxiety.  I get stressed, angry, sad, blah blah blah insert horrible feeling emotion here.

So tonight I switched tactics.

Why am I doing this?!?!  Who says I have to let him cry in there?  We both hate it!  Tonight he just doesn't want to do this sleep thing and tonight I am just not gonna force the issue or get angry and stressed.  Accept it, Mrs. Jarcy!  So I got him out of his crib.  I changed his diaper.  I stared at him for a long time as he laid there on the changing table staring back up at me.  I smiled and played with his lovely curls, caressed his smooth cheeks. We both were calm.  I touched my nose to his said, "Honk, honk."  He took his finger and touched my nose.  "Gah!" he said.  ("Gah" is the universal word used to identify everything.)  "Yes, Boy, that's Mama's nose."  Then he pointed out my hair, my eyes, my mouth.  I pointed out all his facial features in return.

I didn't know what to do with him next so I held him in my arms.  We rocked back and forth.  I simply loved him with all my might.  He put his head down on my shoulder and his body sunk into my torso.  It felt so nice.  Usually he's running all over the place and I can't get him to sit still longer than 5 seconds.  I'll hold him as long as he'll let me, I thought.  We rocked about the apartment as I turned off lights.  I turned on an Enya cd and we rocked for a good 15 minutes in the middle of the living room.  I felt so lucky to have that moment with him.  It reminded me of when he was a newborn and Mr. Jarcy and I would have to rock him for hours.  If we weren't rocking him then chances were he was not sleeping.  It was so stressful back then!  But not now, this rocking was like a moving meditation for the two of us.  My arms hurt from holding his 30 lb. body but I didn't care.  I just kept rocking, enjoying the music, really enjoying the lack of crying and really, really enjoying him.

He fell asleep.

There's no telling what the next bedtime will bring.  I don't think I can rock 30 lbs of Boy to bed every night nor do I think he'll want that.  But there are those moments in life when you think, "I am never going to forget this moment" and it was one of them.  For both of us.
 

Strike A Pose

How did this Boy get so cute?  HOW?!?!?!  I have no idea but I'll take it.  I hear him "renovating" in his room so I now must be off!  Last time I turned my back for 10 seconds he wedged himself under our bed and my blood pressure still hasn't come down to it's normal range.  I may start sleeping with my eyes open just to keep tabs on him.  

Holidays

A few things regarding holidays in October, November and December...

1.
I'm racking my brain trying to come up with a Halloween costume to dress The Boy in.  The trick is he can't know that he's wearing one.  He doesn't allow many clothing options as it is and I'm pretty sure a big fluffy bear outfit will send him over the edge.  Could I just scribble in dark eyebrows and a mustache while he's sleeps and be done with it?

2.
We're entertaining the idea of driving from LA to Phoenix for Thanksgiving.  Without small children the trip can take about 6 hours.  With small children it might take closer to 20 hours.  Are we crazy to do this?  We might all be sent over the edge as a result.

3.
We're entertaining the idea of flying home to Chicago for Christmas.  It will take 4 hours on a plane and who knows how long in an airport prior to flight.  It will also involve leaving the warmth and comforts of LA for the frigid temperatures of Chicago.  But my family will be there and I don't know if I can handle not seeing them at Christmas.  That will most certainly send me over an edge.

Lots of possible edges in the coming months...

Also More Babies Take Up More Room And More Money

BOY:  I've been noticing how many times people mention to Mommy that she should have another child sooner rather than later.

CAT:  Those people don't live with you, Boy.

BOY:  Well do you think Mommy and Daddy will have another baby someday?

CAT:  It's hard to say.  I know Mommy has a heart condition that requires her to have surgery first if she decides to go through pregnancy again.  

BOY:  Ouch, poor Mommy.

CAT:  Don't feel sorry for her, Boy.  Mommy already feels beyond blessed to have just you!  And me, of course.  If you want to know the truth, I was her first baby.  You're lucky I even talk to you considering the change that occurred when you arrived on the scene.  

Love Taps

The Boy played in this house for most of our time at Toddler School today.  He LOVED it and encouraged other children to come check out "his" humble abode.  "Look at the windows!  Check out this phone!"  He played host to all his guests.   As I comforted another little boy completely beside himself at his mother's absence,  I thanked the heavens above at my great fortune at securing The Most Amazing Boy To Ever Live.

Day 3 of Toddler School...

You've all heard me stress over The Boy's tendencies to "love tap" (hit) other children.  I signed up for Toddler School with this love tap issue hovering over my head like a dark rain cloud.  I know I sound dramatic but, frankly, it IS dramatic!  The Boy is strong.  Yes, I know, it's natural and expected behavior.  That's what folks tell me anyway.  But knowing that does nothing to reduce my anxiety.  So even though I was stressed out about this issue I still decided to sign up for the class.  I just had to try.  Because I am a glutton for punishment.  

Each time I have to leave The Love Tapping Boy in the care of another mommy who simultaneously wrangles her own child for 30 minutes and then we switch places.  Each time I give the same spiel.  "Listen," I start, "I don't know how to sugar coat this-- The Boy can get a little grabby.  He has been known to hit and push others.  I am very sorry.  Please don't be surprised if he does this.  Please feel free to come and get me if it gets too out of control.  Please let me still go off for 30 minutes like the other mommies regardless of this tendency.  Good luck."      

Lo and behold, The Boy has NEVER love tapped the other children.  Not once.  

Each time I come back and the other mommy says to me, "Mrs. Jarcy, The Boy was so well behaved!  He is just so cute and didn't even cry when you left him!  He really is just a love."  

Huh.  

I'm starting to look like a liar here.  That's a good thing.  Patches of sun are pushing through the dark cloud.  I know the love taps aren't gone forever but it has been a wonderful break from playing referee over the last few weeks.  I was beginning to feel like the security guard on Jerry Springer's show who constantly pries crazy folks off other crazy folks.    

I Am Not To Be Trusted With A Tube Of Crescent Rolls. Ever.

No cabbage left behind!  I'm very proud of myself for this feat.  

More cabbage.

This time I just grilled it in a pan with oil and then added water, sugar and cider vinegar per a simple online recipe.  And when that seemed too bland to consume I doused the whole concoction with white wine which helped immensely.  I served it with a turkey kielbasa, crescent rolls and more white wine.  Mr. Jarcy managed to eat most of the kielbasa and I managed to eat most of the rolls.  There is still a small portion of the cabbage left.

I thought I had signed up for the community supported agriculture weekly but it turns out I goofed and signed up for the every other week pick up.  I think that was divine intervention.  Do you know how much time and energy is required to cook new recipes with never purchased produce?  A lot!  Last week I made no less than 6 dishes I haven't prepare before and now my brain is ready to rest.  I've been fantasizing about take out dinner options since 7 AM and just about anything will do.

I also wasn't prepared for what a carnivore I'd become from preparing more locally grown produce.  This doesn't seem correct, does it?  That is what's happened, however.  Chicken, turkey kielbasa, 2 lbs of ground beef... if I start talking about venison someone stop me!  My former "nearly vegetarian" self doesn't know what to think here.

Update Update Sleep?

Cabbage Update 9/18/10:
You will all be happy to know I made something with the cabbage.  I made a runza.  It's usually a little pastry puff filled with meat, onions, cheese and cabbage.  Per my friend Lolo's instructions, I made one huge runza pastry and it was enough to feed four adults last night and two adults tonight.  The recipe required 4 cups of shredded cabbage.  After shredding 4 cups worth the cabbage was still the size of Texas. (What kind of magic grew this beast already?!)  So while our dinner guests brought super sweet and delicious scones as a host gift, we sent them home with a huge slice of cabbage.  It's safe to say we faired better in the trade.

The Fight Against Clutter Update 9/18/10:
We participated in our very first yard sale today.  I sold baby items at a ridiculously low price and sometimes tossed in freebies.  "Just take it, please!" I cried at the sight of a little clock radio I have no memory of buying in the first place.  I'm pretty sure I could have gotten more cash had I held out but this pregnant lady wanted so many of the items and it seemed more important for the goods to be put to use then haggle with her for ten more dollars.  I wasn't too happy, however, with all those who lifted items right from under my nose!  One minute I had 3 pairs of toddler shoes to sell and then next minute they had vanished.  Same with some little photo albums and gently-used shirts.  I kept telling myself it was fine if the items were gone because anything left was going to donation anyway. For some reason it's still not okay.

The Boy's Sleep Status Update 9/18/10:
The Boy has settled down in his crib (god willing!) for the night.  That means I need to prepare for slumber asap as well.  You still never know if you'll be getting a full night of uninterrupted blessed sleep or intermittent episodes of jarring sleep-like states.  If you don't have children or children younger than 19 months I am so sorry for you to read that statement.  It's true though (for us anyway).  And if I can just internalize my good friend's advice of "Just surrender to your new reality and you'll feel so much better!" then all will be good no matter what tonight brings.  This is the same friend who left my home last night with 3 lbs of cabbage and left a wonderful plate of scones in it's place.  Hey, can you make cabbage into scones?  Because I have at least 3 lbs left as well and I do so love scones...

Headed To Slaughter

Someone is headed to slaughter today.  That someone is obscenely huge cabbage.  I've invested in a bigger grater (how much money is this damn thing costing me already?!) and will be shredding mass quantities of cabbage in just a few short hours.  That's right, we're finally going to shred him up and make some equally huge runza pastry pie out of him.  I hope he's enjoying his last remaining minutes in the fridge because soon enough all will go black in his world.  (Yes, I am referring to the cabbage as a "he" and if you saw him in real life you'd understand completely.  I mean look at how his size compares to the damn toaster oven in the background above!  He's a beast!)

Why do you keep going on and on about this cabbage?!  A cabbage is not new, you know!  Enough already!!!

Enough already indeed!  Do you know how much I have thought about the cabbage?  Last night I had intermittent dreams about the cabbage!!!  (I also dreamt Conan O'Brien was requesting a meeting with me but that's not nearly as exciting as this cabbage for you readers I bet.)  Yes, I had dreams about shredding the cabbage.  First the cabbage was totally huge and overwhelming (like in real life).  Then I cut him in half and he became just a few pieces of usable cabbage (hopefully not like it will be in real life).  Don't worry, there should only be one more post regarding the cabbage to update you all on how he tasted.  Although since he is so big perhaps we'll have to make another meal out of the remaining leaves in which case be prepared for at least two more posts on...(wait for it)...the cabbage.  

Rug Angel

It makes sense The Boy stayed in this position for a good 15 minutes.  After the "run in" we had over getting the clothes and crocs ON I was spent as well.  Now where were we going again? I have forgotten...

Cabbage Fever

The cabbage has taken over my mother lovin life.

I keep wandering into my kitchen to take inventory of all the fresh produce and then worry about how I'm going to make the best use of them all. The cabbage, however, is clearly the front runner.  Question--How stressed out can someone get over a cabbage?  The answer-- Very!

I think I should have better prepared myself for this new local produce undertaking.  Last month I signed up for that writing a book in a week deal and then made sure I had a lot of free time to accomplish the task. For this project, however, I had not allotted extra time and now harbor feelings of guilt, bitterness and inadequacy.  That's right, I feel like a total loser and it's the fault of fresh fruits and veggies.  I don't want to let them go to waste and then become frozen in fear as to how to prevent that from happening! That bowling ball of a cabbage is taunting me as I sit here typing--  "Hello, Mrs. Jarcy?  What are you doing over at the cafe writing?  You don't have time for writing, you're supposed to be sauteeing me up with olive oil, fresh garlic and pepper already!  And after me the radishes have requested twenty minutes of your time and radishes do NOT like to be kept waiting!"

If there was ever doubt as to whether or not I'd make a good contestant for Top Chef I think this experience provides us with an answer.  Quick Fire challenge #1 would deduce me to tears rocking back and forth in the corner of a big meats cooler.  Padma told us to prepare an egg dish an airline could serve in their pre-flight lounge...it's just too much!!!  

Now if you'll excuse me, I must return home to cook up collard greens while snacking on celery stalks and radishes...

*Thank you to the lovely readers who graciously answered my plea for cabbage and leafy greens recipes.  That cabbage will NOT get the best of me yet!   

No Takeout This Week

Got my second order from the community supported agriculture group.  I couldn't go pick it up myself since I was taking my mother to the airport (boo and hiss) so Mr. Jarcy and The Boy went instead.  They  came home with a bag full of leafy greans, collard greens, broccoli, celery, assorted fruit and one humongous cabbage.  

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS HUMONGOUS CABBAGE?!  

That's an actual question and I'm accepting all suggestions.  I love cole slaw but not in bulk.  I'll take ideas on preparing radishes as well.  The Jarcy diet is getting quite the makeover this week...

Little House Was Memorable

Boy and Cat too fidgety to pose for a picture.  

I spent some time in the bookstore the other day.  The local library branch is only open for 45 minutes every other day (an exaggeration but barely) so I headed to the bookstore instead.  I'm not entirely sure what I was looking for--just doing some research I guess.

I wandered through the young adult aisle and discovered teens only read books pertaining to vampires and other mythical creatures as long as they are just as kissable and crushable as vampires (a centaur might be pushing it, I don't know).  It seems simply  crushing on the new boy who moved in across the street isn't an interesting enough plot unless there's a possibility he'll kill you after reaching second base.

From there I wandered through the cooking section.  Until I actually use the 237 cookbooks I already own more than twice a decade there is little reason for me to purchase another.  I moved on to self help (so over purchased there over the years), fiction and magazines (god I love magazines!).  

Then I found myself in the biography and memoir section.  Three of the Little House On The Prairie actresses have memoirs out right now-- Melissa Gilbert, Nellie, Half-Pint's older sister who did such a good job portraying a young blind woman that I've always imagined she is in real life (she is NOT it turns out).  A memoir by First Lady Laura Bush.  A memoir by a woman who lived in 39 different apartments. And a memoir by a soccer mom turned private dick.  To recap-- memoirs = way more exciting lives than I lead.   Although how exciting has the non-blind woman's really been?  Has it really been worthy of a hefty book advance (I'm counting anything above $5000 hefty).  That said, I may pick up her book over those other Little House ladies if only to find out how she's dealt with this blind or not blind situation since her teen years.

My memoir would be about a woman who simply wanted a baby and had her entire world turned upside down.  I'm guessing this experience has happened to at least one other woman who lived to write about it so then I'd throw in some centaurs just to spice things up.  That's right, I'm bringing the sexy into centaur/human relations. Maybe one of the centaurs can be blind and pining away for a married dog walker turned mommy...

Much Anticipated Visit

"Mrs. Jarcy's mother is coming to visit today.  Finally I'll get some attention that doesn't involve a little Boy's tight grip on my tail!  I wonder what present she'll bring for me too?  We all know she'll have a gift for The Boy but don't you think I am the one who has really EARNED a toy?!  I knew you'd agree."  

Year One Done

"Now listen, I will agree to stay here another year with you two as long as we revisit the original plan.  Wait...what??  There was never a plan?  What do you mean there was never any plan?!  Who moves across the country without a plan?!!?  DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE?!!"    

We did it.  A year ago today Mr. Jarcy, The Boy, Creepy the Cat and I moved to Los Angeles via Chicago.  Holy s*#t!

To say the year has sped by is putting it mildly.  To say it's been easy breezy is putting it very mildly.  And to say the coming year will be any easier is just plain stupid.

I still miss my family as intensely as the day I left them.  Sometimes more.  (Have I mentioned I hate being away from them?  I do.)  The Boy is still a night owl and his tendencies to be wide awake past 10PM usually coincide with the nights I want to be asleep by 8:30PM.  The cat still takes Prozac daily and I still think about taking Prozac daily. (Hey, not fair!  Why does the cat get to have all the fun?)  There are a lot of "stills" in our lives...still.

But we're not still living with those miserable, drunken and evil landladies in an occasionally uninhabitable Chicago apartment praying for something happier, something warmer, something sunnier.  We got that covered!  And a screaming newborn has been replaced by a tantrummy toddler (a VERY cute albeit "passionate" fellow).  That's covered as well!  And I've evolved from a clueless new mom to a clueless new mom who likes to write every day and will be taking a writing class at UCLA for ten weeks.  Covered!

Yes, it's all going according to our non-plan-- Year one is done.  (Sigh and shivers) 

When Every Day Is A Holiday Of Sorts...

"Go ahead, honey, take a walk with your friends along the beach!  Don't mind us, we'll just be tossing The Boy up towards the heavens above.  We don't want you to worry so we'll wait until you're out of our line of sight to engage in this activity.  Have fun!"  Sigh.  

We had fun with our friends this weekend and it was a much needed break for our constant loop of stressors regarding things like income, health insurance and ridiculously expensive grocery store outings.  Most folks struggle to find time to spend with one another whereas the Jarcy clan might have the opposite issue.  We see each other a lot.  We also see that loop I mentioned above though so it's not always as enjoyable as one would like and is the reason I've taken on a serious meditation practice (it was either that or prescription meds).

But this weekend we said "F You!" to the loop and had some fun.  Thank goodness.

We went to Malibu on Saturday with our dear friends and their kids.  Everyone had a great time I think with the exception of my back.  My poor back wasn't slathered in sunscreen and is still cursing my name for that mishap.  What can I say?  I was too busy making sure Boy and Husband were protected with SPF 2000 to notice my own damn self.  Idiot woman!  Now poor back is in constant itch mode but it's also still fire engine red so it's a tough call as to whether I should get my nails back there and help it out.  Big time apologies, back!  

Sunday we...what did we do on Sunday?  Man, I have no idea right now.  Well maybe we spent that day with the constant loop because I can't recall anything and that was only a few days ago.  Yeesh.

Monday we went to the mall ("Hey, let's blow money since we worry about it so often!") and then met friends at a park in Beverly Hills (yes, it was as nice as you'd imagine a park to be in Beverly Hills to be) and then enjoyed a BBQ birthday party with friends.

So lots of friends for Labor Day weekend.  We drank, we ate, we played.  We made the most of this time and that's all you can do wherever you are, right?  Make the most of today.  Although now that I'm thinking about it I also dedicated a few hours to watching "Bachelor Pad" Monday night.  That was not really making the most of the day I'm afraid...    

Stickers

Masterpieces created by The Boy

Some people have bed bug infestations in their homes.  We have a sticker infestation.  It's pretty extreme but I'll take it over those bed bugs any day.    

If You Plant A Yard It Will Grow

"Some kids have yards FILLED with dirt, grass and gardens.  I have a balcony, today's newspaper and a few cups of potting soil.  Who does this Woman think she's fooling here?!"

I tried mixing things up the other day and decided to get some potting soil out for The Boy to dig his hands into.  For some reason I didn't even think this would result in dirt everywhere.  Do you like how I put down three pieces of newspaper to catch all the dirt?  Oh this will keep the soil nice and contained!  I am just such a put together Mommy, tra la la la la!  Idiot!  It worked until he realized what fun he could have dumping the dirt onto his lap.  He enjoyed that so much he decided I should be covered in dirt as well.   

Do you think I could plant a yard on our balcony for him?  We went to our playgroup Friday and when we got out of the car he greeted the grass like an old friend he'd longed to hang out with.  "Oh look Mommy, there's my bestie, Grass!  Hi Grass!  These two yahoos have me living in an apartment, I'm so sorry we can't hang out together more often!"  Insert guilt here.  

After playgroup he went right back to visiting with old friend Grass.  We walked the neighborhood playing with Grass until I realized I was wearing an all black dress and the temperature was easily 100 degrees in the shade.  The Boy's cheeks were all red after just ten minutes out there!  Insert guilt here.

Someday, Boy, someday!  You too will get to have as many playdates with Grass as you like...I just can't tell you when.  It may be when you're an adult and can afford your own lawn.  And then Daddy and I will come live with you!  Insert guilt here.   

"Wanna Wrestle?"

BOY:  Sometimes I hear Mommy say to Daddy, "Remember, you're the Daddy!"  What do you think that means?

CAT:  I think it means Daddy sometimes behaves like he's your older brother instead.

BOY:  But I'm the Kid and he's the Daddy!

CAT:  Exactly.

BOY:  Do you think Daddy ever has to say to, "Remember, you're the Mommy?"

CAT:  Never.

BOY And CAT Try To Branch Out

I tried to make a blog for BOY and CAT.  The address would have been BOYandCAT on Blogger.  But someone else already got to that address.  His first and last post is as follows:

"This is just a test to see if I can make this blog thing work or not. Life is tough enough with all the things that need our attention. Now the blog is dominating the world.. Well.. time to give it a try.  First photo is from Disney trip.. fun eh?"

And yes, it was attached to a photo of Disney World.  The  post--again, the only post-- was from January 2006.  So I guess life was tough enough just as he said.  That blog wasn't going to dominate HIS world!  He tried and then went about his business with those other "things" needing attention.  But not done enough to simply do away with address.

BOY and CAT will live on right here then.

Thank Goodness I Really Lived It Up Over The Years

Me and The Boss.

Last Saturday we hired babysitters (in the form of grandparents) and we had a night out on the town (home by 10 PM is now a night out).  It was my first time since moving to California.

Mrs. Jarcy, you've never been out at night in L.A.?  You've lived there almost an entire year!

I have been out at night and not just to buy stuff at Walgreen's or drive folks to the airport (although those are my main reasons to leave home past 7PM).  Mr. Jarcy and I went to dinner with some local friends once as well but we've never gotten the Chicago improv crew together for dinner and a bar outing.  So we did that with a small portion of the crew (we're lucky and have many friends here from Chicago).  

So how was it?

It was great!  And exhausting!  By 9 PM my eyes were drooping and my mouth was yawning every 35 seconds.  Between that and my wardrobe which screamed "I'm a stay-at-home-mother and this is all I have that fits and isn't stained!" I was in no danger of getting hit on.

Not like the days you used to work in bars and would actually get hit on, is it?

Nope.  Life is NOTHING like that now!

Do you miss that old life?

I miss socializing with others after the sun has gone down, yes.  And I miss some of our crazy antics like socializing until the sun would come us, yes.  But I missed The Boy!  I found myself talking about his new Tuesday school days.  Why in the world would my good friend from Chicago want to hear about his Tuesday school?!  I told her way too much.  If I had stayed out any longer I fear I would have gone through his whole pooping schedule.  Thank god for us both I left when I did.

I notice you didn't mention how you felt about no longer getting hit on.

You're right, I didn't.  I guess by not mentioning how I feel is clearly telling you how I feel.    

Got it.  

Will Toddlers Eat Parsley?

Where's my cornucopia?  It's been displaced since our last move!

I signed up for a weekly locally/organically grown produce service and above is my first booty.  Not too bad huh?  It's also not any more expensive than if I bought it all in the store.  I have an abundance of parsley though and little knowledge of or desire to do anything with it.  Perhaps every meal will be garnished like crazy.  Even morning cereal will be accompanied by parsley sprigs.  

And now I must get working on a homemade fig newton recipe.  (Who am I?)  I'm just hoping to not let it all spoil so we'll start from there.  Like usual, I make really low and (god willing) easily attained expectations of myself.

Adult School Plus Boy

The Boy started "school" on Tuesday mornings.  (Have I mentioned this yet?  Just go with me if I have.  I've learned this is the best strategy when elders close to me repeat their stories and it's high time you learn that as well.)

Now I know what you're thinking.

I'm thinking I might want to change over to Allstate Insurance from Progressive.  How do you know that?!

Okay I don't know what you're thinking.  I was still talking about The Boy and his Tuesday morning schedule.

Alright fine...continue (sigh and eye roll). 

So we're now going to school on Tuesdays from 9-11:15 am.  Technically I am the one signed up for school and it took actually showing up to class for me to figure that out.  My friends told me about this school for toddlers and I do whatever my local parent friends tell me to.  So yeah, it's a parenting class which I'm going to consider a well-deserved break where I may learn some new tricks of the trade.  The first 30 minutes are play time, the following are 30 minutes while half the mothers (sorry, parents) go to their own class and the remaining mothers (sorry, parents) watch all the kids.  Then all reunite and sing some songs before the other half of mothers (sorry, parents) go off to class.  Again everyone comes together in time for a snack and then more play time and a song about going bye bye and then you do indeed take the hint and go bye bye.

I may have the schedule out of whack because we only attended last week.  This Tuesday I was ill (Boy and Cat posted on my behalf).  But the jist is you get time away from your toddler while that toddler gets used to time away from you in a school setting.  And some other parent has to put up with that toddler in your absence.

Let me tell you, the moms left to tend to all those kids first were wondering why they were paying for this torture, myself included of course.  It. Was. Chaos.  Even the teachers seemed thrown from the Toddler Force that was coursing through the room.  It was like a school of fish in tornado form had converged on Burbank.  "Let's all go pilfer that corner with toys we missed earlier!  Let's all head outdoors to the play yard!  Let's all run back inside and squeal at the top of our widdle lungs!" Moms were left in their wake like trailer homes strewn over a Kansas corn field.  And then there were the kids who could not handle the fact Mommy had left them and were losing all hope of seeing her again.  I was lucky enough NOT to have buddied up with a Mom with that kind of kid and was thanking my lucky stars.  My little gal, however, ran off in the opposite direction of The Boy for most of the time (but damn she was too too cute).

I'm pretty sure we all left class needing a long afternoon nap and strong, stiff drink (did that and that).  That said, The Boy was so well behaved!  He did not hit.  He did not grab (much).  He sat and played by himself and then sat and ate a widdle snack.  Ah, it was bliss!  Not as blissful as the thirty minutes when I went off to a SILENT room with other Mommies and filled out paperwork for my parenting class but it was a close second.  So yes, it was chaos but it was fun.  It. Was. Fun.

So yeah, that's our new school and I'm looking forward to next week!

You know, I've been thinking about something while you've been sharing your story.

About how I'd be up for a Mother Of The Year Award if such a thing was given?

No, I think I am gonna take the leap and switch my insurance to Allstate.  I like their commercials better.  And you know, Allstate is just...wait, do you have a moment?  

Alright, fine...continue (sigh and eye roll).  

Never Take Cranky Kid To Park

BOY:  Mommy took me to the park today.

CAT:  Oh lucky boy!  I bet that was a lot of fun!

BOY:  I narrowly missed giving a baby a good swift kick to the head.

CAT:  Oh, unlucky mommy.

BOY:  And then shoved my sand-covered hand into Mommy's mouth.  All the sand stuck to her fancy lip gloss.  She seemed rattled by the whole experience.

CAT:  You know, let's you and me just keep some distance between us today, shall we?