I Don't Have The Clap

I was just perusing craigslist's jobs section because I'm obsessed with looking for more dream jobs. The obsession mainly involves LOOKING, not actually PURSUING. It's what I do. And I wish someone would finally pay me to do it. I've gotten really, really good at it over the years.

Now this ad stopped me in my tracks...

Can you make your booty clap? Are you willing to be on film?

If so, contact us.

Please include a head shot and a full body picture (preferably front and back). We only work with talented professionals. We will explain more after we have screened out the fakes and the phonies.

I'm at a loss on this one. REALLY? YOU WANT TO KNOW IF MY BOOTY CLAPS?!!? AND IF IT DOES...THAT'S A GOOD THING?! Look, I'm too sexually repressed and/or naive to know if my booty claps. And if it does clap, then nobody gets to find out. There is no clapping sound emitting from my ass when I run or dance so I'm content. If it did, I would not be happy.

And then what does the line about screening out the "the fakes and the phonies" mean? Who or what constitutes as a fake or phony? Fake personality? Phony butt implants? I have no clue.

I am half tempted to inquire now. I want to know if I can pass the test or deemed a fake booty clapper.